Manners, Etiquette and Emotional Intelligence

Wither manners?

"In every society, the role models are the ones who set the standards of behaviour for the rest of the people, irrespective of who they are. As adults we are responsible and accountable for our behaviour at home and in society. Our children learn from us.." writes Datin in her article, "Winning Ways."

She talks about the leadership of a former boss, and about emotional intelligence in particular ...

"No swear words or foul language ever escaped his lips. His demeanour alone showed his displeasure and we would be jumping hoops to rectify the errors and regain his trust. No one ever repeated a mistake. His greatest asset was his ability to get the support of his people. Nothing was shoved down their throat. Everything was done with transparency and his sense of fair play often put others to shame. I learnt the value of good manners from him.

All men know that good manners like the values we have and practise, must be demonstrated in the family so that it becomes part of a child’s character. We also know that instilling good manners cannot be learnt using software as a computer learning activity. People in power or in responsible positions need to use their emotional intelligence in a positive way and understand that good manners are basically an emotional thing. You must want to feel the need to exercise good behaviour.

For more information, take my EQ program, and check out my ebook, "How to Teach Your Child EQ."

Street Sense always wins

FOX Sports - Horseracing - Hard-working Borel finally scores Derby victory

How fitting that Street Sense wins ... and his jockey is known as Bo-Rail for his common sense -- with faultless logic he hugs the rail, he says, because it's the shortest way around the track. He didn't need a scientific research study to figure out how to win. Seeing the obvious, and not complicating things is good common sense, another word for emotional intelligence aka "street smarts."

The magic combination of Borel and Street Sense is full of emotional sense. Borel chose the horse to give him the win, because Street Sense is "very push button" -- he likes to please and does what you ask. How smart, not to fight it! Borel is also known for the clock in his head - his intuition, good timing.

Many years in the making was this big win for the jockey who had the winning combination - hard work, training, discipline, emotional intelligence and STREET SENSE!

Dislike Royalty love the Queen

Americans dislike royalty but adore the queen - Yahoo! News

This is so like emotional intelligence (EQ). And isn't it the truth! Historically, "we" left the UK and came over here to get away from that sort of thing - queens and kings, popes and princes, nobles and knights, privilege and peasants ... but when they come to visit, we love it.

Why?

It's like emotional intelligence. We may blanch at the thought of learning empathy, communication skills, social graces, etiquette and aplomb, and other emotional intelligence skills, as CONCEPTS, and may not even understand them, but when we meet someone who has them, we are entranced and enchanted.

It's common to dislike something at the conceptual level, or as a stereotype, i.e., "I don't like people from the South," but then when you meet an individual, your perceptions change. Which is generally all to the good! If you are rigid, they do change, and you become the person unwilling to be persuaded by reality.

So be willing to give new things a try, or to try on new things.

How can we not thrill at the visit from the Queen of England? Why? Just because.

Most of the time, she never lets us, or her people, down. Since I was in PR, and lived in the world of "being a presence," I probably have a special appreciation for how she conducts herself; and it requires incredible emotional intelligence.

When she's out and about, she is not a person, not Elizabeth, not a woman of a certain age, she is representing -- representing the kingdom on Great Britain. She can't allow herself a foul mood. If her shoes hurt, she can't pay attention to it. If someone says something rude to her, she can't act like a "person," because she isn't -- she's the Queen. If something untoward happens in front of her, she must maintain her composure. For her, when she's out, the cameras are always rolling, and she 'stands for' something far beyond who she is as a person. This is an obligation, a responsiblity, a privilege, a job ... and she does it well.

She also relies on a huge entourage to keep her going. Maybe someone who can find shoes that don't hurt. Who researches the temperature to make sure she has an appropriate outfit. Who, as we learned, teaches other about the proper protocol when in the presence of the Queen of England. Who looks into the people she'll be meeting and finds out about them, so she can make intelligent conversation. In other words -- she has many coaches!

If you're smart, you do this for yourself (and/or hire a coach). If you want to make intelligent conversation that is pleasant to others, you have to know what you're doing. Things like someone who just lost a baby or a job, someone who is new on the scene, someone who has a speech impediment, someone who has political leanings you don't want to bring up ... all that sort of thing. It can keep you out of trouble? You also need to learn the ways to save yourself when you have blundered. Do you know what to do when you don't remember someone's name? Do you know what to say when you're inadvertently insulted someone? Do you know who gets seated first, and what we're supposed to do about opening the doors for women these days?

It pays to know these things! Get some EQ coaching. You'll love it!

Queen's visit calls for etiquette and EQ

WP: Queen's visit prompts protocol fears - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com

ETIQUETTE is a part of emotional intelligence, and so is the extension of it -- protocol. We all just got a big dose watching and enjoying the visit of Queen Elizabeth to the U. S. -- to see how her colony was doing!

In order to help with it all -- what to wear, what to say, and when, and how -- Buckingham Palace flew in about 15 advisors, including the queen's personal assistant and Buckingham Palace's deputy master of the household, for consultations. We were eager to please and they were eager to help us out with it.

I loved the photo of the British ambassador's wife curtseying -- she sure knew what to do. Probably made her feel right at home! (We love that feeling -- ahhh, someone else who wears jeans/says "howdy"/uses "sir" and "m'am"/eats with their fork upside down -- etc.

BTW, this is very much like coaching. Nothing "wrong" with any of us, it's just new, and we'd like to please and know what we're doing. That's what consultants and coaches are for, and one big area is etiquette.

It was the air of excitement that got me. For instance, a real red carpet for her exit from the airplane. For many of us, especially the younger generation, "rolling out the red carpet" came alive for the first tie. (Oh, so that's what that means. They really DO that!)

I also enjoyed the photos of the Queen with the Governor of the Commonwealth of Virgina, who was just about literally dancing, and wore an expression like the cat that swallowed the canary. What a coup! In several photos his feet are barely touching the ground, as he twists and cavorts and gives us the thumbs up -- TWO thumbs up.

Nonverbal is also a part of emotional intelligence and look at the difference. The Queen of England would never engage in such shenanigans. She maintains her posture, her notorious hats and lovely outfits and maybe the royal wave, which we all wait to see. Reserved, refined, well in her case, regal. Americans? Even the governor cavorts and gives a big nonverbal display of pleasure.

You must know emotional intelligence (which includes etiquette) to get where you want to go. Hopefully, you caught the fever during the Queen's visit, because it's great fun. Why on earth would we go to all this trouble to please the Queen? It's in our blood!

We love new things, too, and this is very old and yet very new again. We may even see a resurgence of hats and gloves! If you've noticed, even considering the circumstances of our "greater exposure" to the Middle East, the fashions and colors are slowly creeping in to the American fashion scene.

We just love new things -- or things that are new to us.

If you're curious, and open, that is to say not rigid, or overly invested in your own postures, you 'll develop the art of incorporating new, positive things into your life -- from your wardrobe to your mannerisms, to your speech.

I was reminded of this when visiting my friendly gynecologist the other day. He happens to be French, and as he burst into the room, he gave me a big Asian bow, with hands together in fron. (What on earth?) I immediately felt honored. That's what the gesture is all about, and it works. Amazing, isn't it. He had just been to Japan and was just full of all the new things he'd seen and learned. "They won't confront," he said. "How do you know when they're mad?"

Well actually wouldn't that be a RELIEF? After all, as we say in EQ-land, anger is a good way of knowing what you want, but not of getting it. When you go as far as to "show" you're angry, or it's so strong that you can't NOT show it, you're already so pumped up, you're likely not to think straight. You've lost it.

Which way is better?

That's not the question to ask. Just observe and note. Then be willing to adapt. Be willing to learn. You'll be more comfortable. For instance the client I coached who was going to D. C. (from San Antonio) to meet her new boyfriend's family and social set. She showed me what she was planning to wear -- the bright floral patterns of south Texas, with lots of gold glittery bangles and beads. (Are you laughing? Not if you haven't been to D. C.) She didn't listen to my advice. When she returned, she said "I felt like such a rube ... so uncomfortable and out of place. I just couldn't believe what you were saying..."

Believe! Things can be very different and, as she advised in "My Cousin Vinny," it's a good idea to be able to BLEND. When required. EQ is all about choice. First you have to know there is one, and that you have it. It's one thing to stand out in a good way because you have chosen to, and quite another to stand out "like a sore thumb" because you didn't now any better.

We went through all this protocal because we were overjoyed to have the Queen here, and wanted to make her feel -- well, "at home." This is the essence of etiquette and good manners.

In today's multicultural workplace, and rapidly shrinking world, the more you KNOW the better off you are going to be. If you learn the ways of just one other culture, you are able to grasp the concept of how different things can be? In half the world, it seems, it's a great insult to show someone the sole of your shoe. Once you 've heard that, you'll start to consider what else you might do that might offend someone else. And you'll be forced to think, as well, about what in your own country, or part of the country, offends others. We teach these things to our kids; culture is LEARNED. One child learns to bow another to shake hands. One kids learns to stand in line and take their turn, another learns to get in there and push. What would you like to learn more about?

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Etiquette

Emotional Intelligence covers it all -- nonverbal, multicultural, etiquette.

Here's how it's done in Prague!

Emotional Intelligence to be taught in schools in UK

Respect! Good manners to be taught in schools - Independent Online Edition > UK Politics

"Lack of civility" has prompted this school to revise their curriculum and include EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. It isn't being learned at home, they claim:

The programme will be integrated into the curriculum, and will teach pupils about fair play and dealing with adversity.

The new moves to instil good manners in young people is the latest attempt to deal with what many politicians and commentators bemoan as a blight on British society, making streets, schools and communities unsafe and unpleasant. The worry is that children no longer have the authority figures to look up to and that the state has to an extent take on the responsibilities that belong to parents.

From September secondary school children will learn basic values and "golden rules" such as: "We are gentle, we are kind, we work hard, we look after property, we listen to people, we are honest, we do not hurt anybody."

WE ARE GENTLE

WE ARE KIND

WE WORK HARD

WE LOOK AFTER PROPERTY

WE LISTEN TO PEOPLE

WE ARE HONEST

WE DO NOT HURT ANYBODY

The program will include learning how to deal with anger and disappointment.

To learn more, order my ebook "How to Teach Your Child EQ".

Michael Jordan's Son to Play for Illinois

Michael Jordan's son plans to play for Illinois - NCAA Basketball - Yahoo! Sports

AND NOW WE WILL SEE THE PLAY OF GENES.

For perhaps it is in sports that we can most clearly see the drama of potential v. actuality (which take Intentionality); the interaction between natural ability, and the ability to use it to the best advantage, which means, in the case of sports, to win. And in a team sport, the ability to function so that the team wins. Individual ability can't carry it. Individual EQ can.

Sports coaches were emotional intelligence coaches before there was such a field. You can take the most physically adept, naturally athletic person, well-trained in the dribble and the shoot, and watch them self-destruct or soar, depending upon their emotional intelligence. Of course the same applies to the most IQ-adept person, but it's hidden, we don't get to see it. No matter how much you want to fantasize, there are no 5'1" females playing NCAA basketball.

Now the world wonders .... does young Jeffreay have what it takes?

Emotions motivate us (both from the same root word). They can also render us ineffective in mental and physical pursuits. They figure heavily in motivation. Will a boy attending Loyola in Wilmette have the drive? Michael is 6'6", and Jeffrey only 6'2". What about that?

The EQ will play to motivation, also determination, the ability to handle the lifestyle, and, importantly the ability to function within a team.

Considered by many to be the world's best basketball player, Michael was unable to play on wining TEAMS in the early years, though he set individual performance records, because he sometimes played at a level so above his teammates that the Bulls failed to function as a team.

There is also particular pressure on the son of a great man.

The world will be watching and rooting for this talented young man. I hope he has a good Emotional Intelligence coach.

Coping with Change

SirsiDynix OneSource: Change – Arrghhhhh!

On the blog, Stephen Abram, MLS, talks about change and the emotional intelligence it requires.

Stephen is vice president, Innovation, for SirsiDynix, and the chief strategist for the SirsiDynix Institute (http://www.sirsidynixinstitute.com/). He is an SLA Fellow, president-elect of SLA, and the past president of the Ontario Library Association and the Canadian Library Association.

What he's really talking about is the emotional intelligence competency of RESILIENCE.

Wnat to learn more? My ebook "Resilience" is available here.

New Leadership Development Track at Nations Oldest Utility Operations Conference

New Leadership Development Track at Nations Oldest Utility Operations Conference

SOFT SKILLS ARE HARD TO COME BY
Come learn emotional intelligence with me!

Minnetonka, MN (PRWEB) April 23, 2007 -- Midwest Energy Association (MEA) announced today that they have added a Leadership Development training track to help new and developing crew leaders, supervisors and managers enhance their management skills. The sessions are part of MEA's efforts to assist the industry with its serious workforce development challenges. With some utilities facing 30% or more retirements in the next 5 years, they want both the traditional technical sessions offered at the gas and electric conferences and Leadership Development. The new leadership training covers a range of soft skill topics including Workplace Relations, Contractor Alliances, Emotional Intelligence and Leadership Presence.

DMAE (Instant Face Lift Chemical) Injures Cells Permanently says Cell Biologist

ARBONNE. IT'S THE BEST WELLNESS STRATEGY.
"Instant Face Lift" Chemical DMAE Damages Skin Cells

ALERT: THE PRODUCT YOU USE ON YOUR FACE COULD BE DAMAGING YOUR SKIN PERMANENTLY

According to Reuters:

"A chemical used in cosmetic products promising an 'instant face lift' makes wrinkles disappear by damaging skin cells, Canadian researchers report. 'From our point of view the cells are altered. They stop dividing, they stop secreting, and after...24 hours a certain proportion of them die,' Dr. Francois Marceau of the Centre Hospitalier Universitaire de Quebec told Reuters Health.

Marceau is a cell biologist and I hate to even THINK what made him decide to investigate this chemical so common in over-the-counter cosmetics.

This is why I recommend ARBONNE skin care products so highly.

ARBONNE products are researched by the Swiss and mfg in the US. They contain the purest of ingredients. This is important because what you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream.

I was a houseguest the other week and made the mistake of using some of my hostess' face lotion sitting in the bathroom. My eyes got puffy immediately, and I felt headachy and "sick."

I asm very sensitive to chemicals ... are you? We all seem to be "sensitive" to DMAE.

Why not give ARBONNE a try. And order some for the "mother" in your life for Mother's Day.
Shop with me safely online at MyArbonne.

Emotional Intelligence is Learned at Home

The Daily Star Web Edition Vol. 5 Num 1028

From Bangladesh, Shahnewaz Khan writes about Emotional Intelligence.

"After reading the book, I understood the first sentence my programming professor at university said to us on the very first day: 'We can't teach programming at university This is a subject you should have already learned when you went to the park for a walk with your parents, or solved a puzzle with your mom in the living room, what we teach here is purely syntax (the grammar of the programming language), and brush up your analytical ability a little to ignite your talent.'"

Are you teaching your child Emotional Intelligence? Yes, you are. Whether you want to or not, whether you do a good job at it or not, you are teaching your child emotional intelligence .. so why not do it right?

My ebook, "How to Develop Your Child's EQ" will show you how. Order it HERE.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste. So it a heart!

A . . . angry
B . . . bitter
C . . . curt

and so it goes ...

When It Is a Fact, Not a Problem

Emotional Intelligence is about reading reality correctly, amidst the emotional reactions pressing on your cognitive intellect.

I love this quote:

"If a problem has no solution, it may not be a problem, but a fact - not to be solved, but to be coped with over time." - Shimon Peres, Polish-born Israeli Politician

I like it so much because, with even normal intellect, solving a problem is easy. Dealing with a fact you don't like, however, is not, and requires a great deal of emotional intelligence.

Here are sme FACTS I've helped clients learn to cope with over time:
--An adult daughter who is damaged, vindictive and hysterical.
--A boyfriend who is, and always will be, a "stringer".
--A boss who has very low emotional intelligence and is a "difficult person."
--A colleague who is left-brained (or right-brained) and incapable of whole-brain thinking.
--Someone who thinks the client him/herself is a problem to be fixed.
--A controlling husband.
--An abrasive sister who likes to triangulate with the mother against the client.

With a FACT there are three (3) ways to cope:

+Change the situation;
+Change your attitude; or
+Leave

The first two (2) pertain to IQ. The last one pertains to EQ.

Learn to know the difference!

We're Just Friends but I Want More

CHECK OUT MY LATEST TOP TEN, www.topten.org

As an Attract Your Ideal Man coach, and expert for a major website, most of the questions I get fall into one of several predicatable groups. One of them is similiar to this letter.

Dear Susan:

We've been friends for years. I'm 30 and he's 35. I think we have a great relationship - lots of laughs and good times and we get along great. The trouble is I've fallen in love with him. I've never said anything. I want more. What can I do? Hint? Flirt more? I don't want to ruin the friendship, but I'm in love with this man. Please help.

Signed: Confused

Dear Confused:

If there's one truth in this world it is this: If the man wants "more" in a relationship, he will go for it -- no matter his age, "shyness," your situation, your attitude, your marital state, the nature of your current 'relationship,' or anything else.

I don't know if you are male or female, it doesn't matter, but this situation you describe takes place in offices all across the nation every day -- she's in love with her boss (or co-worker) and doesn't know...she thinks he does nothing because it's work, he's married, blah blah ...
________________________________________
Since I get to hear from so many people, here's how it works and these happen to be true stories with names changed, except for the last two.

1. 1. Mary wanted a divorce.

She went to Tom, a married divorce lawyer for professional help. Tom said, within 10 mins. and to her utter surprise: "I'm referring you to someone else because I want to date you."

2. Shereen was seeing a psychologist for whatever (in one of those states where you can 'date' a client once they aren't your client).

In the third session he told her he was terminating the therapy and referring her to another psycholigist because he wanted go have an intimate relationship with her. (He is the ethical type.)

3. Nancy had been in love with her boss, Larry, for 3 months, but #1, he was married, and #2, she needed her job and the policy manual said ...

In the 4th month, Larry asked her out on a date with direct innuendo. Nancy said "What about my job?" Larry said, "What about your job?"

4. Alicia is happily married.

She also can't stand a certain male client who had done some clumsy flirting. She ignored him. She managed to be away when she knew he was coming, assigned her part of the contract to her partner, wouldn't answer the phone if she knew it was he. Alicia had given him no encouragement, in fact quite the opposite. He tracked down her home phone number and asked her out.

5. Dr. John, an Ob.Gyn, put the move on Sandra during a physical exam.

He then left his wife of 25 years, and put his practice into jeopardy.

6. Samantha and Ted had been great friends for a year.

Samantha liked it that way. Ted wasn't her type. She had her eye on Roberto. Samantha and Ted went to the movies on Sunday nights. One Sunday night, to her complete surprise and horror, he reached over and touched her breast and then tried to plant a kiss on her.

7. Tiphany was a high-powered executive.

She hired Frank to be her secretary, file clerk and go-pher. The distance between their ages, rank, education, income and everything else was truly unsurmountable - from the outside, anyway. However, the first time she asked Frank to drive her to the airport, and they were, therefore, out of the office, he put the move on her.

8. Bill CLinton, married and the president of the United States of America, had an intern ...

9. The heir to the throne of England fell in love with a commoner. To marry her, he would have to abdicate the throne.

He did.

IN SUM: Unethical or ethical, disgusting or classy, appropriate or walking the line, interested in marriage or just sex, men don't let the grass grow under their feet when they want to "date" a woman. They aren't shy about it (no matter how timid they appear in other situations); they don’t care if they have a fiduciary relationship with her; they don’t care about anyone’s marital state; they don’t care about the policy manual; and they don’t care whether they and the woman are currently "friends", work colleagues, in direct work competition, or anything else. They could care less about "hints," "encouragement," or "flirting."

THAT'S WHY WE SOMETIMES CALL THEM "CLUELESS", BTW.

If he wanted something different with you, you would know it because he would take action.

(Incidentally, I have also heard from women who did take action with a guy like the one you describe, and got the guy to marry them, and down the line it doesn't work out. If he'd been interested and male, he would've taken action. If he didn't, but gave in, the woman is some kind of consolation prize, duty, last resort or something else you don't ever want to be.)

WORD: When a man wants something, he takes action and you don’t have to do a thing except defend yourself if you don’t want it.

Enjoy the friendship and attract another male who's interested in you that way. You'll know it by how he acts.
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About the Submitter
This piece was submitted by Susan Dunn, Dating Coach, MA, Clinical Psychology, Founding Member of Coachville, Professional Coach - Dating, Life, Career, EQ, who can be reached at sdunn@susandunn.cc, or visited on the web at www.susandunn.cc.

Susan Dunn wants you to know that she offers individual coaching, Internet courses, ebooks and seminars. She serves as attract your ideal man on a major website, and has been a frequent lecturer on cruises. She also trains and certifies coaches worldwide in a long-distance, affordable, effective program. Email her for more information.

Paolo Pieri, FD of lastminute.com says Learn about Emotional Intelligence

Profile: Paolo Pieri, FD of lastminute.com - Accountancy Age

Paolo Piero FD of an online company says:

Be emotional: If you have the opportunity to learn about emotional intelligence, do so. It enables you to find the optimum way to interact with all types of people in order to get the best results.

‘Working with very senior people can make you feel intimidated or inspired, depending on how your emotional intelligence is developed. It’s a good skill to identify as it’s a real differentiator. Other more technical skills are great to have but are often taken as a given.’

You have a chance to learn about emotional intelligence here. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information on this exciting program that can amp your career and relationships in ways you can't imagine.

Book Review: Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain by Sharon Begley @ Blogcritics.org

Book Review: Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain by Sharon Begley @ Blogcritics.org

Neuroplasticity ... and emotional intelligence.
It's a fascinating subject, the notion of neuroplasticity. We know that resilience (an emotional intelligence competency) is greatly enhanced in old age by learning new things. And this means something radically new, not just advancing in your own field, or learning to run instead of walk for exercise. This means the engineer who learns Italian, or the English major who learns how to ride a motorcycle, or the Spanish major who learns some math.

Getting OUT of your field.

That's why I greatly value "generalists" - - people who know a lot about many things, not just a whole lot about one thing.

Look around you at the seniors you know. Consider the total picture re: a person who was a doctor their entire life, then retired and gardens v. a person who had several career fields, reads voraciously, has radically different hobbies, and friends from many different sectors.

It's not just that the latter type person might be more interesting, there's a difference in the vitality level, and also the resilience.

Read the book review of Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain. It's fascinating!

I invite you to come study emotional intelligence with me. Check out my website at www.susandunn.cc .

Coaching, consulting, Internet courses, ebooks, ezines, and more!

Examining the alpha male at work

Examining the alpha male at work - CNN.com

As an early-adopter of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ) I was thrilled to see this article. I, too, have studied the alpha male - - from the vantage point of EQ v. IQ.

Each of the 4 types of alpha males (commander, visionary, strategist, and executor) has its downside, says this article on cnn.com's CareerBuilder, and, most interestingly, the climate is changing -- the alpha males may go the way of the dinosaurs as the influence of more women in the workforce has brought in emotional intelligence and affilitiave, collaborative behavior. Or is it the influence of more EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE in the workplace.

The great divide began when we had to leave Freud and Freudian psychology behind ... the drives - - sex and aggression - - well there's a lot more driving people today, like wanting to enjoy life, find meaning in their work, balance in their lives, and room for the emotional factor. Most important decisions must be made by other than strictly rational, logical means, after all. If you could choose the best stock rationally, all us investors would be millionaires - there are charts, after all. And if you could choose the best candidate for a job by their resume alone, it wouldn't be the miasma that it is, would it? No, it takes intuition, gut feeling, creativity, flexibility, and a host of other EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE competencies.

EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is now looked for as well as IQ in management, leadership and the workplace. In fact it's slowly being demanded in the workplace. If the average job in the US now is 18 months, one of the reasons people leave is because of abusive management. We cannot do our best work in an atmosphere of nit-picking, or where we're ignored, or devalued in comparison to data, for instance. And your EQ will tell you that most of us truly want to succeed, grow, learn, help others in the workplace to do the same, and to be appreciated. Not all the time, but just enough.

Take for instance the alpha male called The Executor. Probably my least favorite to work for because (to me) the Visionary is inspiring; strategists' minds are so fascinating and in my world they generally find a way to avoid much contact with people; and commanders are energizing. I worked for all of these types in my day (and that's why I'm not self-employed!)

Executors, however, are micro-managers who cramp your style, eschew anything creative or "outside the box," and never give priase, but rather pick, pick and pick, and most importantly, must assign blame. I've seen then stop the whole parade for as long as an hour or more, to get out their miocroscope and investigate a rather inconsequential incident. When I'm around one, I always want to shout, "Stop! Just fix it! Let your people free!"

So many things in the workplace today, particularly because it IS more collaborative, are a failing of systems or equipment, or simple one-time human error -- not something that can be fixed. And it takes a real micro-manager to stop the flow of a project, particularly under pressure of a deadline, to fly-speck and see "whose fault it was."

How much better to say to the human who failed at that one point, "That's not like you!" than to harp on the mistake. Someone who continually fails, sure, and particularly one who intentionally sabotages, but the average person having a bad moment or day ... well, it's NOT LIKE THEM, so move forward. Guilt, blame, tempers and anger accomplish th exact opposite of anyone's intent. And lets hope those few people, among them managers, who enjoy making other people miserable, are really on their last legs in the workplace.

Okay. Now I'm off my soap box. But I'm an emotional intelligence coach after all, and I KNOW that EQ matters more in managing people than IQ does. Perhaps the time has come to let the sheer intellect types work in isolation (which they generally prefer), and keep them away from management, which annoys both sides of the equation.

There should be ladders of promotion on two tracks - the people side, and the OTHER side.

The most heartening thing about the article is that emotional intellingence has become so well-known and valued.

We were an early-adopter and have helped so many people improve their lives, and the lives of those around them through emotional intelligence. It is truly the "common language," as I have trained and worked with people around the globe, who immediately catch on to the power of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is empowering. Get involved! See me for coaching, or to take the EQ course. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc

How to Win Anyone Over - MSN Lifestyle: Boomers

How to Win Anyone Over - MSN Lifestyle: Boomers

Studies show that humans, like other primates, possess an instinctive urge to "mirror" each other.

This is a great to-the-point article on "how to get along." It's full of emotional intelligence - nonverbal signals, the link between humans and other mammals that we call, in emotional intelligence, "the limbic connection." The idea that emotions are contagious (therefore it's important that you know how to "catch" them or not!).


Take a look!

Did you know that the bottom line on etiquette is making the OTHER person feel good. So flash that smile!

Thank You Note

It's so nice to be quoted, especially when it's about kindness and saying "thank you."

On Beck's cafe:

"Do it [write thank you notes} for gifts, acts of kindness or friendship, or just because. Often times we don’t do it as we aren’t sure how. And usually the ideas on how to do it are tailored only for thank you notes for gifts. But substitute “gift” for act of kindness or friendship and any concepts on how to write a thank you note applies. Susan Dunn, MA, A Professional Life Coach has this advice (remember substitute the word “gift” for some other act of kindness and her advice applies universally too), “When you write the note, mention the gift or gifts specifically. Mention some way that you will use it, or what it meant to you, how much you love the color red, or how you’ve been wanting to read that book”. (source and examples: “How to Write a Thank You Note and Why“, Susan Dunn, MA, Professional Life Coach, Emotional intelligence & Etiquette"

Etiquette comes naturally with emotional intelligence. We all like to be appreciated and thanked.

Why?

Just because!

Winning at Work

Charlotte Business Journal: Winning at Work

"Work hard," writes Connie Glaser. "Do your best. Know what’s expected. Create value.

Isn't this what we were taught? And since we are smart, capable and doing all the right things, we will get ahead -- right? Well, in today's complex workplace and competitive global marketplace, here is a startling piece of news: it is not enough."

Through coaching, she advises, many are learning the essential ingredients of success.

"The traditional ingredients for a successful career," she writes, "require combining technical and interpersonal skills, along with emotional intelligence. Mix in cultural astuteness, and you've got a recipe for success in today's workplace."

Benjack Glatzer defines culture astuteness as "the ability to get out of your office and your comfort zone, and navigate smoothly through the cultural nuances of your specific company."

And this requires a great deal of emotional intelligence.

The good news is that emotional intelligence (EQ) can be learned. Contact me for more information - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Learn How to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

Learn about the 7 Key Steps to Make Your Workplace Happier and More Productive

THE MAJOR KEY IS WELLNESS ... being in top shape physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Emotions effect our wellness - as Candace Pert, Ph.D. says, our emotions are in every cell of our body. Try ARBONNE for feeling your best. You cannot follow any of the 7 steps unless you are robust, energetic and healthy. Shop safely online with me at MyArbonne. I use only their products, cosmetics, supplements, lotions (they are PURE) and I haven't missed a day of work (or fun) in 4 years. Have you? What you put on your skin is absorbed into your bloodstream.
________________________________________________________
What's the key to a great workplace?

Emotional Intelligence ... according to Dr. Steven Stein, who studies emotional intelligence, or EQ, these are the 7 keys from his new book:

THE 7 KEYS (Go HERE to read the whole article.)

1. Hire capable people who love the work they do and show how they contribute to the bigger picture.

2. Compensate people fairly.

3. Don't overwork (or under work) people.

4. Build strong teams with shared purpose and viable goals.

5. Make sure managers can manage.

6. Treat people with respect and leverage their unique talents.

7. Be proactively responsible by doing the right things to win the hearts and minds of your people.

All of these are signs that the workplace has a high EQ or emotional intelligence. "Happy" people ar emore productive, and one thing we learn from studying emotional intelligence, which I like to combine with the StrengthsFinder assessment (because it is NOT all about "emotions") is that what makes one person "happy" in the workplace, does not make another person "happy."

Look around in an average office these days and you will find all ages, cultures, backgrounds, etc. I was observing one alpha male today. The office is under a huge crunch, and many are wearing down. This man absolutely LOVES to work and "churn it out." He gets HAPPIER as the pressure builds, more cheerful as the day progresses, and I find hi absolutely energizing. Why? Because emotions are contagious. There's nothing like a leader who can smile when the going gets rough, and can show what I call "grace under pressure."

Want to know more about it? Take the EQ course.

It's all about GRACE UNDER PRESSURE.

Birthday Feast for Favourite God Prince Philip

Know anyone who's sitting at the base of a banyan tree waiting for ...
Order my ebook, "About Changing Beliefs*, Self-Limiting Thoughts & What to Accept"
Topic chosen in response to reader survey


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At the base of a banyan tree...

SOUTH SEA TRIBE PREPARES BIRTHDAY FEAST FOR THEIR FAVOURITE GOD, PRINCE PHILIP
They only recently learned his birthday is June 10th

"You must tell King Philip that I'm getting old and I want him to come and visit me before I die," said the white-haired chief, who thinks he is about 80. "If he can't come perhaps he could send us something: a Land Rover, bags of rice or a little money."

Oddly, people of Yaohnanen and surrounding villages worship the 85-year-old Prince Philip as a god, believing him to be the son of an ancient spirit who inhabits a nearby mountain.

See photo HERE.

* All jobs stink
* People are no good
*Lawyers can't ...
*Nobody cares about me
*Women are just after . . .
*All men want is ...
*Marriage is ...
*Bosses are ...
*English majors always ...
*The problem with all those ^&*)s is ...
*Nobody will ever ...
*If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.
*If only engineers/surgeons/mothers/dogs could ... I'd be happy.
*Purple sneeches can only ...
*When I get money/a wife/a better job/respect/a decent boss I'll be happy.
*I could never ...

Emotional Intelligence: The Kiss

THE SECRET IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

It's so easy once you get the secret --- that we are our emotions. And our emotions come from our thoughts. There is no emotion that doesn't have a thought attached to it. Our perceptions of life, our past experiences and emotions attached to them, the neuronal firing patterns we have developed in our brains, and our particular slice of reality.

Healing is about emotions. It's not all "in your head," but it IS all in your brain -- and, thanks to the vagus nerve, which extends from the brain down into the intestines -- in your stomach and intestines. Actually in every cell of your body, according the Candace Pert, Ph.D., who is one of the people largely responsible for the development of Prozac.

But why not learn, with emotional intelligence, to make use of your body/brain's OWN "prozac."

It's easy with emotional intelligence. It's the secret.

The thoughts propel the feelings. That's the secret. This video, actually, contains only words. Watch it and see how you feel, how you WOULD feel if you amped up your emotional INTELLIGENCE:



Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for a free ezine about emotional intelligence.

IN MEMORIAM: Chettie
One of the sweetest spirits who ever graced this earth.
9-15-78 - 4-1-99

BLOW A KISS, CHETTIE

Surgery Blurs Life and Death

The Miracle on Ice - 1 - MSN Health & Fitness

NEW SURGERY BLURS LIFE AND DEATH . . . ABOUT OUR UNSUNG HEROES

Have your heart attack in Wake County North Carolina, is one of the useful items this msn columnist found in researching a new procedure that blurs life and death. Emergency teams in Wake County are the first to have mandatory hypothermic treatment for victims.

Yes, there's a new-OLD procedure for treating strokes that involves cooling the body for not just minutes, but hours -- or maybe just a gutsy enough surgeon willing to go with his common sense. I'm not mentioning his name, for a reason. He's the SUNG hero, but there's an UNSUNG hero in this story.

20 years ago induced hypothermia, as its called, was only used as a last resort, when there was really nothing to lose, like surgery on a stopped heart. The body would be chilled down to 18°C (about 64°F), scary, as there are potentially serious side-effects such as frostbite, shock, pneumonia, death.

How did we discover the use of this procedure?

It was thanks to Raul Busto, a research assistant at the University of Miami.

The wonder of this story is that the person who wrote the article found this tidbit, and thought to include it in his article. Raul didn't get to write an article about his finding for the glorious JAMA; he didn't get to speak to the convention of neurosurgeons; didn't get a promotion to head the department or have a chair at auniversity medical center named after him. I don't know the facts but he probably didn't even get a raise.

Busto, observant guy that he is, simply noticed that even when bloodflow was cut off to a section of the brain in certain rats, they didn't have a stroke, and this in rats whose body temps were only a few degrees below normal.

There are people who lack the credentials, by choice, by chance, or by lack of opportunity, who are making tremendous contributions to our lives all the time. The diagnosis by the grandmother down the street, the perceptive comment of the nail technician, a caring neighbor who just notices something, the mechanic tinkering in his garage or the nascent genius in the computer or medical lab.

New systems are suggested by such people, difficult diagnoses are made, procedures thought up, and lifes are changed all the time by the unsung hero -- the person with high EQ (which includes observation, focus and common sense).

It's a shame that we have a system set up where only the Ph.D.s and M.D.s get the recognition -- and are granted the veracity. I consult in offices and I often find the quiet suggestions of the smaller players are ignored and not listened to. Why should a lawyer listen to his secretary when she says they're getting milked by the website designer? No credentials. Why should the CEO listen to the marketing person who predicts a trend that is clearly going to effect future profits. Not her field. Why should the "suits" in Miami listen to a coach who says that cruise passengers would attend lectures on self-help, astrology or engineering? Because everyone in Miami "knows" that all ALL cruise passengers want to drink and gamble ... except for the coach who cruises a lot and listens to the actual people on a cruise ship, wondering about the ship's engines, the stars they see on the romantic nights, and, yes, Virginia, they do not leave their problems at home when they cruise -- they come right along with them, sometimes in person, sometimes in their thoughts and hearts and Nancy Fenn's self-help lecture drew 30 people. (If you want to lecture on a cruise ship, by my ebook - www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html )

The first thing I did when I was sent to a troubled apartment complex, back in my property management days, was to interview the people who actually worked on the property daily, so were forced to apply common sense to the problems at-hand. The leasing agent, the maintenance man, even the mailman could tell me the simple truth, from their EQ and observations, that told me what the problems AND THE SOLUTIONS were. They made me look good. I had the credentials, but thank you Mildred Mannigan for greeting me at the door of Concord Square Apartments with, "If they would simply ____, this apt. complex would be full tomorrow. Will you please TELL someone." If you're the 'they' -- listen.

All sing the unsung hero. Wherever you are, Raul Busto, thank you. Thank you for all the lives that will be saved because of you. And thanks to the "suit" that listened to Raul when he told what he knew.

Now go out and apply this!

Study EQ with me - www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm .

Strict English Teacher Awarded $1.4 million

$1.4 million for teacher strict with grades - Education - MSNBC.com

Ms. Payne was awarded this amount after the jury decided that the school administration had told her she had to raise the grades of the students she gave Ds and Fs to in her English class, and when she didn't, she was given demeaning assignments, and then fired. In retaliation, said the jurors.

TAKE HOME POINT #1: I love juries. We the people! I love what juries do ... and every lawyer fears one. One of the first things they teach you in the legal field is, "any jury can do what any jury can do."

I've seen cases (I'm sure you have too) where they award $1 for part of it, and then hundreds of thousands in the other part, to make a point.

TAKE HOME POINT #2: I'm an English major. I love the English language, and revere the written word. In the past 10 years, I have not seen a published book that didn't have a typo in it. For those of you who wonder why this would bother me, it's because during the decades before that, I never saw a published book WITH a typo in it. We just weren't that sloppy.

I have seen very few pieces of writing that didn't have gross grammatical errors - including national magazine articles, and legal pleadings, business letters, and Internet articles. Typos - not such a big deal on the Internet, but when someone's writing an article and can't make the verb agree with the noun, doesn't know the difference between "effect" and "affect" (or even worse, how to get around it witb another phrase -- that's possible too, you know) ...

Maybe we should be grateful for "the house of Payne."

TAKE HOME POINT #3: The people who ask our best from us. I don't know the "truth" in this legal case, we only know the verdict. However, if this teacher was, as I hope she was, fair but demanding .... don't you remember those teachers, mentors, and coaches who held up to you "the best you"? Who respected their SUBJECT -- whether they were teaching English or character or physics or gymnastics -- and respected YOU -- and combined the two by demanding that you learn to dot those i(s) and cross those t(s).

The bastardization of the English language is one of the tragedies of our times. Utilization of nominalized verbs, senseless jargon, teens who write to me (as Attract Your Ideal Mate on expert.com) "i no hes no good. he sur has my intrest tho" and want to know why the guy won't pay attention to them ... youngsters who leave our school systems illiterate in TWO languages ...

If it's one law that always holds up, it's that you have to learn the rules before you can break them, and no one is learning the "rules" of the English language any more.

What's even scarier is that you don't know that you don't know. I've saved in my files, the Internet article of a person purporting to write articles for people, and create their websites, and it has several blatant grammatical erros, and a couple of typos in it.

The sad thing is that she's probably getting a lot of business!

IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE WORD ... it brought order out of chaos. Being able to "name" something is an incredible act. If you've watched a baby develop language, you know how much less frustrated they are when they can TELL you what they want, instead of just crying or having a tantrum.

One of the major thrusts of emotional intelligence is to be able to label your emotions, and to express the feelings in words -- and we aren't born knowing that any more than we know that red thing over there is an "apple."

Word!

And wherever you are Dr. Duda and Dr. Monihan (my two very strict Latin teachers), Mrs. Lightner (my very strict piano teacher), Ray Garrett, Jr. and Gertrude Hale (my two very strict character teachers). . . you were right. One day I did appreciate it!

And p.s. If you contract my coaching services, you can expect that I will demand the best of you, and the results can be quite amazing!

FREE mini-readings available by email. Send me your concern, question, issue, ruminations and I'll give you a free mini-reading. sdunn@susandunn.cc

Elephants on Parade in New York City

AND WE LOVE ELEPHANTS


ELEPHANTS ON PARADE


I've found, in passing on this incredible event in video and photos, that most people aren't aware of this annual event.

How we love our elephants.

Is there an elephant like this in your office? She does her job, carrying a big load on her back, keeping focused on her goal, while the rest of the office functions pretty much like the crowd in this video.

For more, go here:

http://www.gothamist.com/2007/03/20/this_years_elep.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIf7Fvyx4Kg

http://fromthecabin.blogspot.com/

I can't put the copyrighted photo on here, but if you can find the one of the elephants starting to enter the Midtown Tunnel ... well there's the big neon sign there saying to report any suspicious activity.

Like an elephant parade therough the toll booth isn't? They were holding each other's tails at that point.

Interspecies love!

Mini-readings on any issues you want discussed. Email. Free. Just email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

[photo by semyon, public, on flickr.com]

Birth Order

THE TWINS



BIRTH ORDER

Does it matter?

As the world watches, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are preparing to adopt their third child.

Angelina and Brad will now have four children.

Maddox, from Cambodia, is 5
Zahara, from Ethiopia, is 2
and
Shiloh, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's own child is 10 months

Now look what happens when Brad and Angelina's adopted son from Vietnam, Pax, enters the family picture

Pax is 3 years old. So it will be
Maddox, 5 - a boy
Pax, 3 - a boy
Zahara, 2 - a girl
Shiloh, 10 mos. - a girl

This could make a Family Divide -- the boys (the oldest) and the girls (the youngest). It bumps Zahara down a "rung" in the family hierarchy. It makes Maddox even more the "oldest" and Shiloh even more "the baby." Are there now two "middle" children, or no middle child? Will Maddox feel a special burden as the oldest child, with another sibling to "take care of"? Will Shiloh try even harder to be "the baby"?

How will this all work out? Will they all be able to adjust?

Birth order has a big effect on our personalities, attitudes, perceptions of the world, and feelings of self-esteem.

DID YOU EVER WONDER ....

Why so many US presidents were first-borns?
Does the youngest always remain "the baby" and become "the captured child"?
Does the middle child hate confrontation and always feel cheated?
Are first borns more murturing when they become parents themselves?
Is is true that a first-born male married to "the baby girl" is one of the best marriages? And that a woman who marries a man with sisters on each side of him will have a dream come true?
Are only children always "spoiled"?
Why are twins so popular with other kids?
Is an only child always a lonely misfit?
Do kids fight more the larger the family is?
How is the family different when a girl is oldest, v. when a boy is the oldest?
Does a marriage of two first-borns always have to be a disaster?

What would you do if you were Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt and about to bring this new child into the family? What can you do about this in your own life - your own feelings from childhood, or things that are happening with your own children?

EMAIL ME FOR A FREE READING on BIRTH ORDER & YOU.
Email mini-reading free. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc to find out more about birth order and how it has affected you, or is affecting your kids, what's the best family plan, how to help each child cope ... whatever's on your mind.

Email me today for a FREE READING - sdunn@susandunn.cc

Everyone's Talking about Emotional Intelligence

A SAFER PLACE by fernety (with permission)

Posts - Discussions of a BlondeVixen

Her friends are bouncing from one work drama to another, so she's reading Goleman to learn more about emotional intelligence. It's the BUZZ WORD in MANAGEMENT she says. Emotional intelligence ... the buzz word in management.

What took them so long?

Of course it's best to actively learn emotional intelligence, which you can through my Internet course, with or without coaching to accompany. The more, the better, though. You can really accelerate your learning curve.

We spend 8, 10, 12 hours a day at work ... 5, 6 days a week.

Won't it be nice when everyone knows EQ??

Take THE COURSE.

The Tiger and the Tiger Within

Psychology, articles and many more… » 2006 » July

When you study emotional intelligence you will learn about your three brains. One of them can act as primitive and as potentially harmful as a tiger. It pays to get to know this tiger within, so you can anticipate, ameliorate, control, and manage for more success in your life and relationships.

Take the EQ Course and learn more. Individual coaching available and recommended for best results.

"This has changed my life." Kathy T., March 2007

Wired to Connect

WHAT IS BETTER THAN A TRUE FRIEND??
public weblog('jaysen naidoo')

Yes, our brains are wired to connect. Connections, of the good sort, help eliminate or alleviate stress, help us cope better, emotional intelligence is built on a good support system and network, and we are wired to connect with other humans and also mammals. Many people's best buddy is a dog!

Studies show that ISOLATION is harder on our health than smoking, overweight, stress all combined. Think of that!

Emotional intelligence shows you how to work with this natural ability and need to connect with others at a meaningful level. We are our emotions ... if you aren't connecting with others emotionally, you can be alone in a crowd.

Must as I am ambivalent about cell phones, I always think of the connection. The cell phones start ringing at work around 5, and people start to wind down their days, and long for connection with their loved ones. Lovers call each other on the cell all day long, ot txt msg, and it makes them happy.

Stay connected!

Queen Elizabeth II to attend first Kentucky Derby

FOX Sports - Horseracing - Queen Elizabeth II to attend first Kentucky Derby

What a great title for an article. It's so eye-catching and heart-warming.

"Firsts" -- they are the biggest -- the very biggest events in life.

Recently I took my granddaughter on her first real plane trip (she had been on that 55 min. one from Dallas to San Antonio). Well, this one was from Dallas to D. C. We had planned a "field trip" tour for her to see the nation's capital, and were focused on all the things she would be able to see for the first time, but what she was most excited about was looking out the plane window. For the entire trip - up and back - she never took her eyes off the window of the plane.

All your own "firsts" are wonderful, and when you are with someone else on a "first," it can be just as wonderful, if you have the emotoinal intelligence competency of empathy, that is.

It takes you back ... it makes you remember how you felt on that same "first." Oddly I don't remember my very first plane trip, I remember my first trip AFTER I had take Geology in college. I looked at the ox bows especially (and was quick to point them out to my granddaughter). Every time you see something for a first time, you stretch something in your brain. Then when you revisit it, with new learning, you see it with new eyes again. And then when you use emotional intelligence and experience it with another person on their first, you can feel again the thrill you had.

New things are essential to emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence includes empathy - understanding that other people have feelings, and being able to imagine what they might be feeling.

It relies on nonverbal intelligence, another emotional intelligence competency. My granddaughter might have been afraid on her first real plane trip. Many are. How did I know she wasn't (besides her words)? Well it's all their in the nonverbals, a large part of emotional intelligence and how we express our emotions. Eye contact is always a big sign. "She couldn't take her eyes off" the plane window.

Well, I would like to be there when the Queen of England see her first Kentucky Derby -- the sport of kings, and a tradition for which we owe the UK a big debt.

She's seen a lot in her day, more than most of us perhaps. I wonder ...

You can increase the boundaries of your life, and deepen your enrichment greatly with emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence allows you to enjoy vicariously the experiences of others.

Learn it today ! Go to www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm . With emotional intelligence you will learn what the Spanish say -- la vida es corta, pero ancha -- life is short, but wide.

Remember? And what you remember is the feelings ... remember your

First kiss
First time you rode your bike
First day of school
First fight with your lover
First job
First day at college
First date
First train trip
First trip out of the country
First new language you learned
First great art you saw
Your first opera

Eyes and ears wide open??

This site may harm your computer - what's up with that?

This site may harm your computer

WHAT IS GOOGLE DOING?

I've been told this same warning is currently on my website under the Google search. I went and looked, and yes, it is there. I had my computer specialist check out my site. He has all the latest stealth tools. He found no problems with the website. My website is my biggest marketing tool. I'm doing what I can, emailing google, and hoping this message of speculation will disappear in a couple of weeks without having done too much harm to my website. Mr. Throwing Beans' did (see article). In the meantime, I'm sure thinking about using another search engine in the future.

You know, a "may" is kind of like chicken little. Now do I have to put up on my site "this website will not harm your computer? Actually I'm trying to HELP people with this informative site." And who will read it with that google announcement of "speculation" on there?

What do you think of this?

Emotional Intelligence: The Amazing Skidboot

YouTube - The Amazing Skidboot
Skidboot is all about emotional intelligence, a philosophy of life and a man who knows how to live it.l



Emotional intelligence is about how to communicate, figuring out how to work with another being, how to avoid conflict, maximizing the potential of others, coping with hardship, getting through it together.

Nearly every EQ comptency is here, including focus and intuition.

The Importance of Emotion in Turkish-American Relations - Turkish Daily News Mar 17, 2007

The Importance of Emotion in Turkish-American Relations - Turkish Daily News Mar 17, 2007

An article by former US Consul General in Istanbul, David L. Arnett

He writes:

Practically all of the conflicts between the United States and Turkey, both past and present, can be explained by American lack of sensitivity to Turkish emotional responses and Turkish overreaction to perceived American arrogance. There is also a tendency by Turks to focus heavily on their own sense of outrage while downplaying the emotional effects of their own actions. I will draw upon a series of key historical events to demonstrate these points.

At the outset, however, I wish to avoid the irony of emotional responses elicited by an article dealing with emotional responses. This article touches upon sensitive issues that need to be brought into the open and discussed much more thoroughly in both Turkey and the United States. I raise them with the greatest of respect and genuine love for both my native country and the country that I now know has provided much of my genetic heritage.

What a great EQ statement that last one is. To read the full article, go here.

EQ at WORK: Rotten to the core: How workplace 'bad apples' spoil barrels of good employees | University of Washington News and Information

uwnews.org | Rotten to the core: How workplace 'bad apples' spoil barrels of good employees | University of Washington News and Information

According to the article, one apple can spoil the whole bunch. It really is amazing how much trouble one person can cause in an office (family, group, etc.)

What's especially bad is that I've found, from coaching people, that 'one bad apple' in terms of a workplace that's caustic thanks to one person (yes, it can happen), will spoil a person's attitude and conception of work in general. It's especially bad for "newbies" -- it you're just out of law school and land in a place like this, or have just changed career fields and your first taste of "marketing" is like this. Also, if you've just moved to a new town, you may generalize that that's what work is like in Dallas/New York City/Hope, Alabama.

This study reiterates how difficult it can be when the "bad apple" is established, has tenure or power, or (I would add) is related to the boss

ACCORDING TO THE ARTICLE:

1. Negative people are those who don't do their fair share of the work, who are chronically unhappy and emotionally unstable, or who bully or attack others.
2. One "toxic" or negative team member can be the catalyst for a complete downward spiral in an organization.
3. Vast majority of people surveyed could identify at least one "bad apple" that had produced organizational dysfunction.
4. Teams with one member who is disagreeable or irresponsible are much more likely to have conflict, have poor communication within the team and to refuse to cooperate with one another. Consequently, they perform poorly.
5. One bad apple can ruin it, but one good person (or 2 or 3) can't turn it around.
Negative outweighs positive exponentially.

WHAT DO YOU DO? SCREEN FOR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.

Say the authors: "Managers at companies, particularly those in which employees often work in teams, should take special care when hiring new employees," Felps said. "This would include checking references and administering personality tests so that those who are really low on agreeableness, emotional stability or conscientiousness are screened out."

Administering The EQ Map would be a good idea. Also train your managers, HR, hirers and interviewers with my EQ Certification Program so they will know what they're looking at.

If you're stuck working with or for a negative person, I recommend you take my Difficult People course to learn temporary coping strategies. EMAIL for course - on the Internet, $39.00

Only alternatives these authors give are (1) isolate the person and let him/her work alone, or (2) fire them.

Learn emotional intelligence yourself and avoid being one of these powerful negative catalysts. The more savvy managers become, and the tighter the job market, the more you will sabotage your own career. EQ just helps!

Angelina Jolie Bringing Baby Home: EQ

Looks like Angelina Jolie will be able to bring her new child home soon. Reports say that Angelina Jolie and Brad didn't "choose him," he was chosen for them by the agency ... and, that he is "a little bit shy."

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt visited the orphanage some months ago

Well, one of the things we deal with even when it is our biological baby is that we didn't choose him or her! Also, like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's new child, each child comes with his or her own personality, emotional makeup, intelligence, and so forth.

When you come to think of it, the only person we live with and love that WE get to choose, is our partner. That's a really exciting thought.

TAKE HOME POINTS:

1. Where your child is concerned, it's the greatest learning experience in life because you get what you get -- a spirited child, a shy one, an emotionally intense child, a stalwart, steady child. Like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, you may be "given" one who is "a little bit shy." Who knows?

At the same time, you get to teach your own brand of "emotional intelligence" to your child. How to manage emotions, what they're good for and what they're not good for, that other people have feelings. How will Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt work with this child who is a little bit shy? It's different than having a boisterous, assertive, out-going extravert.

Some children are more naturally empathic than others. I had one who was a natural comforter, and who noticed when his family members were sad or angry, and then tried to help them. I had another who was just busy doing things most of the time!

2. Among all the other great things about your partner, it stands out that this is your CHOICE. We offer EQ - oriented dating coaching, so you can maximize your chances.

Whether it's for emotional intelligence training to guide your child, to improve your own EQ, or help with dating success, give us a call at (817) 741-7223, or email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Mixing Memory : What Does Your Music Say About You?#more#more

Mixing Memory : What Does Your Music Say About You?

I don't know about you, but when I meet someone with my same taste in music, to the same degree, I feel like I've found my soul-mate (and there aren't that many).

Vivo per lei (www.susandunn.cc/vivoperlei.htm) -- I live for music

This study shows that a person's musical taste reveals a lot about them (emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually), and that we know it.

In one study, people asked to get to know one another on the Internet spent more time discussing music than all other topoics combined.

Were they talking about what they loved, or trying to find out about the other person -- maybe the same thing.

Great blog article by a cognitive scients and yes, cog. scientists have been on to studying music for a long time, as opposed to social scientists.

The Evening Bulletin - Lack Of Sleep Blurs Moral Judgment

The Evening Bulletin - Lack Of Sleep* Blurs Moral Judgment

First they were tested to determine their EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE. The people with lower emotional intelligence did worse when sleep-deprived.

This seems to me like another one of those "study of the obvious" research projects (which is EQ, i.e., common sense), but always good to get confirmed. Whenever I read of one of these, I think of doctors. It always seemed to me (married to one through all his training and afterwards), that one of the things bring tested for during internship and residency, was the ability to function intellectually and morally while sleep-deprived. After all, a doctor's emergency patients don't conform to having their crises during normal waking hours.

Lack of sleep blurs mental and emotional ability, just like alchohol does -- it affects the brain, the higher faculties of the brain.

When you are running low on sleep, BE AWARE of what this does to your brain and adjust.

Other people sorely tested in this area are parents of newborns. More than a few cases of child abuse are the result of severe sleep deprivation.

Some tricks to remember when you're seriously behind on sleep:

1. BE AWARE that it will effect your judgment -- as well as other capacities. (The first to go is motor ability.)
2. Refuse to make any decision you don't have to.
3. Ask yourself through the fog, "What would I do if at my best?"
4. Know that you must control your temper when exhausted ... and do so.
5. Realize that certain drugs mask exhaustion, such as cocaine and phentermine.
6. Don't put yourself in positions requiring "moral" behavior when exhausted, i.e., working long hours overtime with that lucious boss of yours when you're both married, and both attracted to one another. Try and make sure someone else is there.
7. WARN your trusted other that you are sleep-deprived. They can then cut you come slack, and also help you monitor your actions. (Listen to them!)
8. Words/speaking are "behaviors." Guard your tongue. Say you are too tired to "argue" about this now. Ask for a time out. TAKE a time out.
9. Realize what tasks require "moral judgment" or circumscribed behavior, You can do math while exhausted, but if it's your income tax, are you more likely to cut a few corners? Probably. You can change the baby's diaper and fix the bottle, but are you likely to react in a short-tempered way to their emotional outburst? You bet. You can clean house when exhausted, but notice that you are more likely to sweep dust under the rug... there are few tasks, really, that don't involve good judgment. That's why emotional intelligence is so important -- it applies to the most important things in life. Being sleep-deprived is like being drunk. You can put together a casserole, but if it drops on the floor, would you scoop it back into the casserole or throw it out, like you're supposed to?

FOREWARNED is FORE-ARMED.

People with high emotional intelligence are SELF-AWARE and this allows them to monitor their own behavior, as if watching someone else. This is called the "observing ego" and not everyone has it.

*These subjects were deprived of sleep for 53 hours.
There is always something known as "sleep deprivatio psychosis" (often referred to by medical students and new parents) where you lose it all.

As they say in the article, when you've got something important to decide (or do) -- SLEEP ON IT!

Tune Up Your EQ » Blog Archive » The 3 Top Ways To Tune Up Your Emotional Intelligence

Tune Up Your EQ » Blog Archive » The 3 Top Ways To Tune Up Your Emotional Intelligence

You'll enjoy reading this site and learning more about emotional intelligence. It is a worldwide phenomenon and for good reason. We all speak the same language with our feelings.

Who Packed Your Parachute?

<----these folks pack my parachute!!


FROM RAYMOND THIS LOVELY PIECE ... maybe you got it in your email. Notice the emotional - spiritual - physical - mental -- the EQ Checkin(r) I use with clients.

Be sure and thank the people who have packed your parachute.

Charles Plumb was a US Navy jet pilot in Vietnam. After 75 combat missions, his plane was destroyed by a surface-to-air missile. Plumb ejected and parachuted into enemy hands. He was captured and spent 6 years in a communist Vietnamese prison. He survived the ordeal and now lectures on lessons learned from that experience!

One day, when Plumb and his wife were sitting in a restaurant, a man at another table came up and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!"

"How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.

"I packed your parachute," the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked !" Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."

Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about that man. Plumb says, "I kept wondering what he had looked like in a Navy uniform: a white hat; a bib in the back; and bell-bottom trousers. I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor." Plumb thought of the many hours the sailor had spent at a long wooden table in the bowels of the ship, carefully weaving the shrouds and folding the silks of each chute, holding in his hands each time the fate of someone he didn't know.

Now, Plumb asks his audience, "Who's packing your parachute?"

Everyone has someone who provides what they need to make it through the day. He also points out that he needed many kinds of parachutes when his plane was shot down over enemy territory -- he needed his physical parachute, his mental parachute, his emotional parachute, and his spiritual parachute. He called on all these supports before reaching safety.

Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please, or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason. As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognize people who pack your parachutes.

Want to get the balance back in your life. Take The EQ Course. Or call (817) 741-7223 for immediate service. Coaching and consulting. No contract required.