How Good is Your Marriage?

How are your people skills? Your social skills? Your relationship skills? Your emotional intelligence?

Today's emailbag is about increasing those life skills that can enhance your life.

THE 70% RATE IN MARRIAGE

Author Pat Morley notes:

“In writing about what makes a successful marriage, family systems thinker Edwin Friedman said, 'In reality, no human marriage gets a rating of more than 70%.' In other words, even the most successful marriage will only be symptom-free about 70% of the time. Patsy, my wife, and I both think we have a great marriage. We talked this 70% thing over, and it makes sense to us. Use this to encourage yourself. You don’t have to be symptom-free 100% of the time. 70% is about right, and that’s pretty good in a fallen world.”

If you haven't got 70% in your range, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and I'll make arrangements to help you increase your emotional intelligence and relationship skills.

DATING

Q: hi, i wanted to ask about how to attract this guy that i like in college. i don't know him and he is one year older than me (am 21)i don't get to see him alot , but i heared lots of nice things about him . i don't know if i am imagining but i think he noticed me . please tell me how to attract him without looking so desperate .

A: Well, I don't know the situation at your particular college, but let me give you some examples, and you can put on your thinking cap and connect the dots. Its not a bad skill to learn, BTW. There are times in life when we want to get some exposure to someone, so they can get to know us a little and see if it's a 'take'. The general theory is -- find out where they go, and be there.

Here are some examples of how this works.

One of my clients is a fundraiser. He needs to get around donors (people who have money) and sometimes he can't get through their secretary to make an appointment, or emails aren't answered, or lunch invitations are declined. So in one case, he found out the guy had opera tickets and managed to get a pair of tickets right next to the guy. From that vantage point, he was able to have a nice conversation with the guy (at intermission and afterwards), and let him get to know him, and the relationship went on from there.

How he found out where the man's seats were, etc. took some investigation. But it's possible.

This goes on all the time in the business world, of course. That's why people join country clubs, golf clubs, recreational clubs, etc. People meet clients that way, get jobs that way, etc. Another client of mine needs a job. Besides the obvious things (monster.com, agencies), she is making time to hang out at the pool, where she can ask around and maybe meet some hirers.

Another woman who wanted to date a man she had heard had just become available, knew he attended galas for charities, and so she showed up at one. She "ran into him" beforehand, and managed to sit at his table. It worked and he asked her out.

Another client wanted to meet a guy at her college. She started eating at different dining halls, keeping her eyes open to see where and when he ate. When she found out, she dressed for success, showed up, and just got in line behind him and struck up a conversation. He asked her out.

If there's a group involved, it's easy (why we join groups). One woman found out in Sunday School that the man of her dreams was going to the weekly dance class. She joined up. That's a no-brainer.

Lastly, again I don't know about your college, but be prepared for the lucky chance of just running in to him. Women go up to men all the time in the grocery store, for heaven's sake. Surely you might run in to him on campus. Be looking! Notice a couple of things about this.

1. You may have to do some investigating. Don't be obnoxious about it. None of these people were. You can also ask around, just in the way of conversation. "Hey, Bill is cute. Do you know what classes he's taking?"
2. You have to have the social skills to maneuver the meet and the initial conversation. If you need to brush up on your social skills, I recommend coaching. THAT is a life skill you MUST have. How to strike up a pleasant conversation with ANYBODY, and present yourself in a good light, is something every man and woman needs to know. It's an art and it can be learned (email me for coaching, sdunn@susandunn.cc ). Shyness will get you nowhere, but being obnoxious will also get you nowhere.
3. The follow up. This is to make something possible. It lets the person know your name and get to know you a little bit. From that point on, it is up to them. Of course you do not pursue, badger, or even that awful word "stalk". You see the difference? It's an introduction (if the two of you haven't met), or a little reminder (if you've had a conversation or two). Beyond that, it's up to him. It's not classy to make a nuisance of yourself.

If you need to do some work on your social skills, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc and I will make arranges to help you raise your EQ.

Emotional Robot

Texas Company Builds Emotional 'Robot Boy' - Technology News News On Technology

In today's mailbag about emotional intelligence - a robot named Zeno who has blinking eyes that can track people and a face that "captivates" a range of expressions.

The most fun is reading how they try and describe ... what only humans have, and robots do not.

David Hanson and a small group of engineers have been working on this creation for over 5 years. They believe there is a market for lifelike robotic companions, or social robots. I can't imagine why ...

From the article:

Unlike clearly artificial robotic toys, Hanson says he envisions Zeno as an interactive learning companion, a synthetic pal who can engage in conversation and convey human emotion through a face made of a skin-like, patented material Hanson calls frubber.

Sinadin plays Piano with Emotional Intelligence

sinadin.com » Autobiography

I’m famous by my self criticism. My ego died when my second daughter was born. I love to practice early in the morning in order to reveal my musical sub-conciousness. Emotional intelligence conducts my artistry; I am not able to remember anything if I’m not deeply emotionally involved in the subject.

I can’t stand so-called contemporary pseudo-poetics that facilitate pianists to play and create without breaking a sweat. True art should heavily engage not only the artist but also the consumer.

Pianist Dejan Sinadinović

Collaborative Intelligence at Work

Great new article on emotional intelligence on Newsweek called "Building a Better Team."

The topic at hand is called "collaborative intelligence," sort of the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.

It's Marshall Goldsmith, author of What Got You Here Won't Get You There, (see Einstein quote - "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it") talking about his e-mail correspondence with Stephen Joyce, author of best seller Teaching an Anthill to Fetch: Developing Collaborative Intelligence @ Work - (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0978031202/susandunnmome-20).

Joyce refers to firemen fighting fires, platoons of soldiers in combat, sports teams ... sort of esprit de corps, teamwork, the effect when people are working effectively together, sharing information and all else needing sharing ... "united we stand, divided we fall."

Specifically he is talking about NOT getting bogged down in the nemesis of all -- "politics."

Especially interesting to me now as I am reading Peter the Great by Massie, who, when talking about the wars (specifically the war between Sweden and Russia), mentions how the Russians kept losing because initially their inexperienced soldiers acted like a mob (panicing and so forth) instead of with the rich discipline of the well-trained Swedes. And also, at the point I am now reading, that the Swedish demise was due to the failure of the commander to brief his sub-commanders before the battle -- because of jealousy and spite. The one commander couldn't stand the other, and just plain out didn't like to talk to him. So he didn't. And Massie faults King Charles XII for not knowing this about the two men's personalities.

Collaborative Intelligence -- Is this stuff new? Well, a better question to ask, given the business world's (and it's writer's) propensity for "reframing," especially with new acronymns, is does it work?

I think it is possible to raise the collective EQ by raising the EQs of its individual members, or possibly even A member. I have seen it happen. We are all too sadly aware that "one bad apple can spoil the bunch." After all, one of the comments I often get from those who take my DIFFICULT PEOPLE course is, "Now I see when I become the 'difficult person.'"

A few things from the article I especially liked:

Here are some of the most important characteristics of a team with high CQ:

• Is able to share the stress and strain evenly throughout the team.
• Achieves its objectives more through people and less through politics.
• Has a strong network of connection and support between its members. This accelerates learning, enabling the team's reactions to be rapid and responsive to challenges.
• Looks after its own: Individuals are not left to fend for themselves, and staff retention is high because people feel a strong sense of belonging

"Collaboration" sort of implies emotional intelligence. Without it, however, I would contend that the entity (business, group, committee, organization, squad, team) will tend not to operate like an anthill (which, after all gets the job done, by instinct) but rather, like a mob. Because ants have a rudimentary 'brain' and humans have 3 brains (and emotions), and are therefore capable of so much more, for good or for ill.

Peter the Great and Emotional Intelligence

King Charles XII, King of Sweden - and Emotional Intelligence

Currently I am reading Robert Massie's Peter the Great: His Life & World, a Pullitzer prize-winning best-seller first published in 1980. Nevertheless, the facts have not changed. :-)

One of the "main characters," of course is King Charles XII of Sweden, a fascinating true-life character if ever there was one. And speaking of "character," which is, in part, what emotional intelligence is about, look at how he handles obstacles and setbacks:

From the book, referring to the Battle of Narva. Sweden and Russia are at war and the year is 1700.

Once, while trying to get around a mound of wounded and dying men, [King Charles] fell with his horse into the ditch; he was extricated, but had to leave the animal, his sword and one of his boots behind. He mounted another horse, which was immediately killed under him, while he himself was hit by a spent ball which he found in his necktie after the battle. Seeing the King without a horse, a Swedish horseman leaped from his own mount and offered it to the King. Scrambling into the saddle, Charles said similingly, "I see that the enemy want me to practice riding."

What are you being asked to "practice" now? It could be anything from "patience," to "getting promotions," to "controlling your anger," to "leadership," to "self-control."

Understanding how the emotions work and how to manage yours and others' is what EQ is all about.

For individual coaching session, email sdunn@susandunn.cc .

The Emotionally Intelligent Manager

Don't miss this great chance for travel prizes and $3,000 in cash.
Click here to enter: http://cheapflights.studentuniverse.com/USNSCS/
And hurry! The contest is only running until October 24!

"Employees join companies but leave their managers." - Marcus Buckingham

"Seek to understand first and then be understood." - Stephen Covey

SEEN RECENTLY ON THE INTERNET ABOUT EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

You may want to offer ... Understanding and Using Emotional Intelligence to all of your Managers, Supervisors and Valued Employees. Their skill in applying their "Emotional Intelligence" will affect their relationships with "your" clients, customers, suppliers, executives, managers and co-workers.

"Emotional Intelligence" is not just a buzz-word, it is an absolutely essential management tool.

Here are some of the hidden benefits: An "Emotionally Intelligent" Manager or Supervisor is observant and is sensitive to the wants and need of his/her direct reports and:

Creates more Trust, Respect & Recognition in the workplace
Motivates his/her Employees
Increases Productivity
Reduces Absenteeism
Reduces Conflict
Encourages better Teamwork

"Emotional Intelligence" is a strength that is indispensable in any manager's tool kit.

To read the whole article go HERE.

Luciano Pavarotti, 1935-2007

Luciano Pavarotti 1935 - 2007
This week we mourn the passing of Luciano Pavarotti.

As happens, I had just finished reading the book his manager wrote about their years together -- Herbert Breslin's "The King and I."

Coming to mind particularly at this time was the reason Breslin was hired. Someone told Pavarotti that he was such a nice guy, he needed a mean manager.

Breslin, like most publicists at that time (he was publicist first, later manager), asked for a retainer. He said no one ever paid it. How surprised he was when the checks from Pavarotti arrived every month, like clockwork.

Breslin also admits, somewhat begrudgingly, what all of us in public relations know - you can only promote what is promotable.

Surely there will not be another Pavarotti in our lifetimes.

The cartoons register the pulse of the world as we mourn the death of Pavarotti. One of them shows St. Peter welcoming Pavarotti to the Pearly Gates, phoning in, "Tell Caruso to take the night off."

Was he the greatest of all tenors? If he was to you, that is what matters.

Another shows the King of the High Cs, then mainstream, then beyond. He thrilled the crowd early on with 9 high Cs in one aria (Mes Amis), and went on from there.

Not only did Pavarotti have the voice of the century, he was eminently promotable as a person - charming, willing to meet the public that supported him, gracious about critics, generous regarding other artists. You can read some quotes about him, and from him at www.susandunn.cc/pavarottiquotes.htm .

Breslin quotes him as saying, "We are all eating off the same pig," quite often. Yes, he loved his food -- a fitting analogy -- but he also had that sense that we are all in this together. He said the critics had a right to criticize, he praised other artists, and he moved willingly in to the "mainstream." What this has meant to the world of opera, we have only begun to see.

It should be noted that no opera singer can make a good living doing operas alone, and Breslin enumerates the reasons. The lifetime of the voice, at its prime, is limited. They are not paid for weeks of rehearsal time (which, admittedly, Pavarotti didn't always bother with). There is transportation (in his case of a whole retinue, and also his favorite foods and wine - Lambrusco!). There are limited engagements. The money must come from concerts and other things.

One of the things that made Pavarotti great, besides the voice itself -- Breslin said that even after all the years, when he heard the voice, it gave him chills - was his willingness to please his audience. Well, not just please but to thrill. His performances were always sold out.

Before every opera or concert, Pavarotti would say, "I will bring them to their feet." That was his goal. Every time. (He was always very nervous before a performance.) He also said, "I know what the people want. They want Nessun Dorma," and so he sang it for us, over and over.

There is no question that he did more for bringing opera to the masses than any artist, with his late-in- life concerts with artists as varied as James Brown, Mariah Carey and Bono. Criticized for this by some, it remains that he brought the consideration of opera into many minds where it had not been before.

The tributarial videos are pouring onto www.youtube.com, and there you can also find videos of him singing all your favorites. The comments are poignant. "I was raised on his music," writes one viewer. "He is in my very soul." "The voice of god," writes another. Many mention a particular time when they got to see the maestro live, clearly great moments in their lives.

Breslin points out that while Carreras, for instance, was always planning what he would do "after," Pavarotti never was able to. Carreras has done some conducting, some teaching. Pavarotti just wanted to keep on singing.

Somewhere I'm sure he is.

For us here on earth, the silence is defeaning.

My favorite cartoon shows him mouth wide open, arms extended and it says beneath it, "Leaving a huge hole in our world." But perhaps the most eloquent ones are silent -- a single note on a sheet of music...his tux hanging on a hook forming the O in Opera...and the one that shows an empty score entitled "Finis."

I also like the one that shows him ascending on wings. He said in one interview that he dreamed of waking up 60 lbs. lighter and being able to fly.

You can view the cartoons here: http://cagle.com/news/Pavarotti.

Honesty, the first step to happiness

HONESTY: The First Step to Happiness (guest article)

The cornerstone of emotional intelligence is self-awareness, which applies to awareness of your emotions. "We are our emotions." Authenticity is one of the competencies. Being honest about your emotional state can be hard ... take The EQ Course to develop your emotional intelligence.

I apologize for the grammatical and spelling errors in the article. They are not mine!

Today's guest article:

Honesty is the first and most basic step to being happiy [sic] and healthy. It is not a surprise that it is teh [sic] first step in the 12-steps as well. The 12-steps are not just for addicts or people who believe in God. As a clinician I have developed an appreciation for how simply enacting the spiritual principles of the 12-Steps can drastically improve anxiety, depression, anger and addiction. Spirituality is more than just religion, it is a way of life. These principles are present in every religion, and are helpful even for those who are not religious. Let’s take a look...

Honesty. The first step in being happy is to be honest, not only with others, but also yourself. This means developing a strong awareness of self, what you like and need, what you truly can control, and your feelings and what they mean.

Many people who are depressed, anxious or addicted fail to realize the real reasons for their misery. They see the immediate answer---what triggered the negativity this time. What they fail to realize is that their fears and/or anger is usually all related to one or more deeper causes.

Humans have six basic fears: isolation, failure, rejection, loss of control, death and the unknown. When you get angry or anxious, ask yourself which of these fears you are experiencing, why you fear it and how rational that is.

For example, you may be nervous going in for a job interview---fear of rejection, failure, the unknown. Okay, they may not hire you (rejection from the employer), but are you also fearing rejection by someone else? Does failure to get this job mean you are letting someone else down such as a parent or spouse? Aside from the fact that you did not get the job, do you really care if the prospective employer liked you? In reality, does this change the way your loved ones feel about you? Yes, you would prefer to get the job, but if you do not is it really that much of a catastrophe?

Another part of honesty is being aware of how you contribute to your own misery. Do you fail to take responsibility for your actions and blame others, look for the easy answers or might you be intentionally making yourself miserable. Intentionally? Yes! Maybe not consciously, but there are many people who inadvertently sabotage their recovery, because being miserable is so rewarding. When you are depressed, wrought with anxiety or in your addiction, people pay attention to you, overlook/make excuses for errors and it gives you a built in excuse for failure. Many people are afraid of failure because they see failing at any task means failing as a person and/or they equate failure with rejection. Both of these are basic and powerful (though not always rational) fears.

To start to develop self-awareness, keep a journal in the morning and evening. It only takes a few minutes. Ask yourself, how do I feel emotionally (happy, sad, grumpy, lonely, resentful etc…), mentally (confused, sharp, creative, foggy…) and physically (sick, weak, lethargic, strong, energetic etc). [We suggest The EQ Checkin(tm) - Ask yourself h you are feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.] Then identify why you feel that way, what you can do to change the negative things, and what you have no control over. This is your journal, you do not even need to write in full sentences, just pay attention. In the evening, repeat the exercise to see if you are feeling better, if your interventions are working or if you need to do something differently.

Some things you can do to help yourself out include asking yourself:

 “Will this matter 6 months from now?”

 “Does worrying/being angry or regretful about this help me in any way? How could I better use my energy to do something about the problem?"

 “Is this worth the negative impact it is having on me and my family?”

 “What parts of this do I have control over?”

“What does this mean about me as a person?”

 “Realistically, what are the consequences of this?”

If you are tired, confused or “foggy” figure out why. Sometimes it is the easy answer---you did not get enough quality sleep. To fix this, set a wind-down routine. This will cue your body into when to go to sleep. Secondly, eliminate caffeine within 12 hours of bedtime. This includes soda, coffee and lots of chocolate. Set up your bedroom to be comfortable for you to sleep---clean, smells good, dark, quiet etc.

Often times, people are actually getting too much sleep or their sleep is fitful because of all the stress their muscles are holding. If you are getting 6 to 8 hours of sleep, try adding some physical activity—walking the dog, gardening, walking around the block during your lunch break, yoga, tai chi. . .whatever you are willing to regularly do for at least 20 minutes every day.

A third thing to evaluate is your diet. Too much sugar, caffeine or not enough water can cause confusion, tiredness, depression, irritability, difficulty regulating your body temperature and poor sleep. Make sure you are not dehydrated. If you do not like water, try lemonade, flavored water. Just try to forego the carbonation and drinks with caffeine or alcohol---both of which will make you dehydrated.

All of these things: awareness of how you feel emotionally, mentally, physically; awareness of what you have control over and what your body’s signals are trying to tell you will help you feel happier and more content. It takes practice to learn to pick your battles and accept you are not in control of everything, but once you do, you will see how much it not only improves how you feel, but also how much it improves your health and relationships.

This article is part of a 12 part series on integrating the 12-steps into a healthy life.

About the Author: Dr. Dawn Snipes received her Masters in Rehabilitation Counseling and Addictions and her PhD in Counseling and Education from the University of Florida. She is an ordained Christian minister . Currently she runs two online continuing education sites (http://www.allceus.com), continuing education for rehabilitation counselors, addictions professionals, social workers and engineers (http://www.engineeringceus.com) and has a part-time private practice.

Source: www.isnare.com

Susan is the author of "EQ & Addiction: the 14th Step" and offers individual coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional development. Contact sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Luciano Pavarotti

Luciano Pavarotti ... b. 1935 d. 2007

Always battling his weight, he said in an interview that he wished he could wake up and weight 60 lbs. less and be able to fly.

It is with heavy heart ed una furtiva lagrima ...

"Penso che una vita per la musica sia una vita spesa bene ed e a questo
che mi sone dedicato."
"I think that a life dedicated to music is a life well spent, and this is
what I have devoted my life to."

See MORE QUOTES FROM and about LUCIANO PAVAROTTI HERE and on www.susandunn.cc/vivoperlei.htm.

Don't miss the video of him singing with his father, Fernando, at the Modena Cathedral in 1978, Panis Angelicus.http://search.bbc.co.uk/cgi-bin/search/results.pl?tab=all&go=homepage&q=pavarotti+video+with+father&scope=all

Tributes from his fans:

Thank God for the time with pavarotti . I grew up with his music and my soul was filled up with his voice .Rest in peace and sing to the eternity .

Una lagrima for Luciano, what a glorious voice, our loss is Heaven's Gain! You'll be singing in Heaven eternally. Adieu Luciano, may you rest in peace.

many furtivas Lagrimas on my face... Luciano is my favorite of all times. You will remain alive in our memories and hearts. Viva Luciano

Rest in peace voice of the god :(

he is singing on heaven now

He has given me more pleasure than any person in my life. My feeling of loss is profound.

The silence is deafening.

Good night sweet prince, and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest. And he will be with the angels now.

Two days ago I had just finished re-reading his manager, Herbert Breslin's, Book about Pavarotti called "The King and I." How it shines with the spirit of the man, Pavarotti. Breslin admits that he never, in all the years, quit getting chills when he heard that voice. Especially compelling are the remarks Pavarotti says about other singers and performers in his interviews. Always radiant, always gracious, always generous. The same for the critics (he said he said they were his best friends), the same for "bad times" in opera (there were none, he said).

Breslin affirms that, besides having the voice of the century, Pavarotti, the man was irresistible because his goal was always "I will bring them to their feet."

Sic transit gloria.
Rest in peace.

Adio e grazie Sr. Pavarotti.

Evluating the Emotional Intelligence of the Job Candidate

The importance of evaluating the Emotional Intelligence of a job candidate is being recognized more all the time.

Vortex Pharmaceuticals in Boston is looking for a contract recruiter (Contract Recruiter - Jobs in Recruiting & HR - ERE) and look at one of the qualifications:

Partner with hiring manager and the interview team to identify and establish roles in the interview and selection process, including technical, behavioral and Emotional Intelligence interviewing.

And one of the requirements for the job:

Experience and political savvy working with different levels within the organization.

To increase your own emotional intelligence, take The EQ Course. It looks good on your resume.
To get your certification in EQ coaching (training), mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Developing your EQ -- its the emotionally intelligent thing to do!

Harvest Moon September 26

Ah, the changing of the seasons. It's time to start preparing for the holidays coming up. Cut some firewood for the fireplace. Put away the bathing suits and get out the heavy coats.

We have a sense of bringing in the harvest, settling in, maybe lining up some good books to read for the winter. Preparing to get a little cozy, maybe a little wistful ... for things we can't really name ... it's that time of year. This may be part of the collective consciousness, as our ancestors eons ago watched the sun appearing to disappear and could only hope it would return and bring the spring. We have science to tell us that it will, and recorded history. They had myths to explain the event, Persephone going back to the Underworld, and Ceres mourning.

Changes on earth heralded by changes in the sky coming up this month ...

The Autumnal Equinox is coming up later this month in the northern hemisphere, marking the beginning of fall. September 23 at 5:51 a.m. EDT. Near equal day and night.

And how can you miss the Harvest Moon, September 26. It will rise about 30 mins after sunset, instead of 50 mins after sunset, and appears luminous in the sky as the moon is closest to us (perigee) on Setptember 27, at a distance of only 223,330 miles.

Take pleasure in the beauty of nature around you every day.

"I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.

From What a Wonderful World by George David Weiss and Bob Thiele, recorded by Louis Armstrong in 1968

Employee Loyalty: It's all about Emotional Intelligence

You know your employees' points of pain and you know what makes them happy ... begins this article by a true visionary. "If you use this information to meet the special needs of your employees," Ty Freyvogel says, "and even surprise them with a few extra perks, you will be able to build strong relationships with them -- and they, in turn, will be willing to go the extra mile for you."

What's the #1 thing employees want? All studies say "acknowledgement and appreciation."

This article "Operation Employee Loyalty: 12 Ways Small Business Owners Can Ensure Their Best Employees Never Want to Leave" is so full of emotional intelligence.

Here are a few of Freyvogel's gems:

Every entrepreneur knows the hectic lifestyle that comes along with starting and running a company. (Heck, most of us live for the craziness!) But have you ever considered how this work schedule affects your employees?

If too many such days come and go without any acknowledgement from you, you can bet they’ll be handing out their resumes all over town. And since your employees make or break your business, you must keep your best ones around.

Small business owners may feel that they are at a disadvantage compared to CEOs of large corporations precisely because of the lack of deep pockets. Nothing is further from the truth. Because they work so closely with their employees, rather than being separated by layers of bureaucracy, it is easy for them to get to know their employees well.

Provide them with much-deserved time off.

Another option is to set up a compressed work week for your staff so that they get time off at the end of the week.

Give them bonuses at critical times. Presumably, you work closely with your employees and know a lot about their lives outside of the work. Act on this knowledge in ways that benefit them exactly when they need it most. If one of your employees has a new baby or a sick spouse or child, a bonus will help ease the financial burden during these times. She will appreciate your concern for her and her family’s well being.

Constantly recognize a job well done. Everyone likes to be told they've done a good job on something.

Read the full article here: Operation Employee Loyalty: Twelve Ways Small Business Owners Can Ensure Their Best Employees Never Want To Leave CustomerThink

Learn more about emotional intelligence with The EQ Course.

Lawrence of Arabia Writes to his Editors

The Top 10 Replies of Lawrence of Arabia to his Editors
or how to handle difficult people

Lawrence of Arabia's book, The 7 Pillars of Wisdom, is a classic. His replies to his editor's comments on spelling are also classics.

1. In his preface, T. E. Lawrence writes: Particularly it owes great thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Bernard Shaw for countless suggestions of great value and diversity:
and for all the present semicolons.

2. Q. I attach a list of queries raised by F. who is reading the proofs. He finds these very clean, but full of inconsistencies in the spelling of proper names, a point which reviewers often take up.

Will you annotate it in the margin, so that I can get the proofs straightened?

A. Annotated: not very helpfully perhaps. Arabic names won't go into English exactly, for their consonants are not the same as ours, and their vowels, like ours, very from district to district. There are some 'scientific systems' of transliteration, helpful to people who know enough Arabic not to need helping, but a wash-out for the world. I spell my names anyhow, to show what rot the systems are.

3. Q. Slip 1. Jeddah and Jidda used impartially throughout. Intentional?
A. Rather.

Q. Q. Slip 16. Bir Waheida, was Bir Wahheidi.
A. Why not? All one place.

5. Q. Slip 20. Nuri, Emir of the Ruwalla, belongs tro the 'chief family of the Rualla.' On Slip 23, "Rualla horse', and Slip 38, 'killed one Rueli'. In all later slips "Rualla'.
A. Should have also used Ruwala and Ruala.

6. Q. Slip 28. The Bisaita is also spelt Biseita.
A. Good.

7. Q. Slip 47. Jedha, the she-camel, was Jedhah on Slip 40.
A. She was a splendid beast.

8. Q. Slip 53. 'Meleager, the immoral poet'. I have put 'immortal' poet, but the author may mean immoral after all.
A. Immorality I know. Immortality I cannot judge. As you please: Meleager will not sue us for libel.

9. Q. Slip 65. Author is addressed 'Ya Auruns', but on Slip 56 was 'Aurans'.
A. Also Lurens and Runs: not to mention 'Shaw'. More to follow if time permits.

10. Q. Slip 78. Sherif Abd el Mayin of Slip 68 becomes el Main, el Mayein, el Muein, el Mayin, and el Muyein.
A. Good egg. I call this really ingenious.

Take the DIFFICULT PEOPLE course on the Internet and get prepared for the holidays. :-). $29.95 - what price happiness?

Emotions and the Stock Market

Applications of Emotional Intelligence, that's what it's all about. And there's nothing more emotional than MONEY.

I came across a blog about understanding the basics of the US stock market. It's called The Bullhunters Guide, referring to the bull market of course, and is to guide people through understanding the basics of the US stock market. Now, in coaching emotional intelligence, I still run in to people who consider it not masculine to "be emotional." As long as we're dealing with stereotypes, isn't the stock market and finances a 'masculine' domain? And isn't the stock market one of the most emotional things out there - hysterical, even. Panic often appears to drive it. That's one of the things stock brokers have to work hard with in clients, especially inexperienced ones.

That having been said, this entry was entitled "Emotional Intelligence," so lets look at what she says. "Funny thing...life," it begins. "Just when you think you have it all together it comes up with another challenge,"

From the article:

If you are a trader already and have money in the stock market then you know how you react or respond when our trades don’t happen the way you want them to. It is just a matter of learning from your trades and not being attached to them... [If you suffer a loss] ... If you happen to react and start kicking and screaming and feeling sorry for yourself, then you have not learned the lesson. If this happens you can make some bad choices.

Rather, if you respond and change the way you view the situation, you will do even better the next time. If you are trading for cashflow, then you really have to have a plan in place. I am not here to advise you on your rules for trading as everyone eventually finds the way it works for them. It’s like learning anything new, you try a system and then tweak it to suit your personality. So its a little like when you are in your car driving along… do you focus on the bugs on the windscreen or on your destination? If you let the little things in life get in the way and focus on the trades that didn’t go your way, that’s what you will keep on getting. Take charge of your emotional intelligence today and focus on your destination with a sense of certainty. You will be a whole lot happier on your journey.

Why did I flash on "dating"?

Read the whole article on The Bullhunters Guide.

Emotional Intelligence and the Emotion of Jealousy

From Yale, experiments about emotional intelligence, and the emotion of jealousy. Dr. Peter Salovey is a professor at Yale (or was at the time of the news release). Says the news release:

Peter Salovey ... is an expert on the psychological consequences of mood and emotion, which he views as organizing processes that enable individuals to think and behave adaptively, contrasted with the traditional view that sees mood and emotion as disorganized interruptions of mental activity that must be minimized or controlled.

According to the news release Office of Public Affairs at Yale - News Release Yale Psychologists Challenge Experiments Stressing Evolution As Primary Cause of Gender Differences in Feelings of Jealousy.

From the news release:

Add jealousy to the long list of emotions men and women seem to approach from different perspectives. When forced to choose between sexual and emotional infidelity, men are more upset by thoughts of a partner's sexual infidelity while women fear emotional infidelity more, according to several recent scientific studies.

Researchers disagree, however, about whether this dichotomy is due primarily to genetic factors -- differences in hard-wired
responses attributable to millennia of evolution -- or whether the main causes are cultural. This nature-nurture debate surfaced in the November issue of the journal Psychological Science in an exchange among three groups of researchers.

Interesting point:

Men, however, tended to view the two types of infidelity independently or only weakly linked, while women were inclined to believe that sexual infidelity could occur without emotional infidelity, but not the reverse. In other words, women saw the loss of emotional fidelity as representing a double loss -- the loss of both emotional and sexual fidelity, Professor Salovey said.

QUESTION: Is this because when a man has an emotion he tends to take action on it?

Learn more about Emotional Intelligence ... "the organizing processes that enable individuals to think and behave adaptively." Emotions are more than "a disorganized interruption of mental activity."

High EQ gives you more choices! Take the EQ course. Get some insight! Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

Social Media, Blogs and Emotional Intelligence

Does it take emotional intelligence to have a good company or business blog? Yes, and it's also no substitute for real interaction with customers and clients.

In some circles it's called "Social Media," and that's all about people skills, or emotional intelligence.

In this article What's Next in Social Media: Q&A with Josh Hallett - Articles by Marketing Profs Hallett talks about how often a company will start a blog and then run it poorly, or else let it drop. They think they have "control," he says, but "ultimately the organization needs to be willing to talk about things they might not want to talk about."

Interesting point.

Sounds like "growing" -- talking about things the need talking about. Interacting and learning. It's also about "humanizing" the company, as Hallett says.

From the article:

First off, [a blog is] a long-term commitment—and [the company needs] to set aside much of the marketing and PR spin that sometimes creeps into some corporate blogs. There is sometimes the thought that since it's their blog, they have "control." Well they do to some degree, but ultimately the organization needs to be willing to talk about things they might not want to talk about.

From a resource standpoint blogs can require a bunch of time. However, blogging does become easier with time. What I mean by that is the writing/finding/linking becomes easier once you have some experience.

The other thing to think about is offline interaction. Get the corporate bloggers out to conferences and other events to interact with customers. Yes, blogs are great for building online relationships, but there is no substitute for face-to-face interactions. We talk about how blogs can help humanize a corporation... actually meeting the human behind the blog is the ultimate extension of this.

Another good reason to bring Emotional Intelligence in to your corporation or business. Establish a company culture of Emotional Intelligence.

Nearly half of US workers feel stress on the job

42 percent of U.S. workers feel stress, poll finds

That's nearly half of us. One thing that can bolster you against stress, and build your resilience, is developing your emotional intelligence. In facr Resilience is one of the emotional intelligence competencies.

From the article:

More than half say stress is causing physical, psychological and behavioral effects. About 32 percent say stress has prevented them from being recognized for their contribution at work and 27 percent say it has prevented them from being moved up in their organization.

We know that people with higher EQ tend to be more successful at work and in relationships. The good news is that it can be learned. You can take an assessment that will tell you your emotional intelligence levels . Then you can choose to work on the ones you are lower in.

Coaching is best way to increase your emotional intelligence. It is not something you can just read about in a book. It takes continual application, and feedback helps you learn the new skills.

Make Your Copper Canyon Train Trip Easier

I just got back from this Copper Canyon train trip. It is truly a trip you don't want to miss. Barranca del Cobre, that is! P.S. One of the hotel owners told us that Stephen Hawking had taken the train trip.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR TRIP TO COPPER CANYON MEXICO EASIER

You’ve probably heard about the train trip through Copper Canyon in Mexico. The Chihuahua Pacifico, “El Chepe” for short, is the only passenger train in Mexico. It winds its way through the Copper Canyon system which is bigger than the Grand Canyon in the US. It is increasingly becoming a tourist magnet. On our train ride, there were tourists from the US, France, Italy, Germany, and Mexico.

You can fly to El Paso and then drive to the city of Chihuahua, spend the night there and then board the train early in the morning, like 5:30 a.m. Don’t worry, you can get a hot breakfast on board. There’s a dining car and also a bar. The Copper Canyon train runs between Ojinaga (north) and Los Mochis, in the state of Sinaloa, near the Sea of Cortez, but passenger service begins in Chihuahua City.

Your Copper Canyon train trip will take you from sea level to more than 8,000 feet as the train cuts its way through the Sierra Madre Mountains. Reports vary (and we didn’t count) but there are over 75 tunnels, and over 30 bridges. The views are spectacular, covering all types of terrain – farmland, Indian dwellings, hills, canyons, rivers, springs, waterfalls – you’ll see it all. You can stand between cars for a better view, fresh air, and great photographs. This is truly a photographer’s dream trip, but great for hikers and outdoor enthusiasts as well. The train always stops at the town of Divisadero so passengers can get out and see the view. As the name would suggest, Divisadero is at a dividing point between the Atlantic and Pacific watershed. You can see down three of the canyons: Cobre (copper), Urique, and Tarahumara. You’ll also want to do some souvenir shopping. The Tarahumara Indians sell their crafts and there are also food stands.

The Copper Canyon railroad was begun in the late 19th century but because of various problems, not completed until 1961. The entire trip takes around 15 hours. Worried about disorder? There’s a military guy with a machine gun on board, because I guess there used to be robberies. Well not any more!
Since this is not a sleeper train, you can stay in hotels along the way where you may find trail rides, hiking, a van trip down the canyon, ATMs, local music, sights (like balancing rock), missions, food and shopping.

Google “Copper Canyon” images and take a look at the photos. If this whets your appetite, here are some tips to make your trip easier:

1. Southwest Airlines flies to El Paso. That’s a no-brainer. We spent the night there, and then our guide drove us across the border to Chihuahua the next day.

2. Be sure you have a valid passport.

3. Use My Power Mall. For instance, when I clicked “Travel”, Southwest Airlines was right next to a place that provides quick passports, and you get a rebate on both. Then there were stores for buying the necessary vacation clothes, and then click over to a drugstore where you can get some Imodium.

4. Yeah, it’s a good idea to take something for turista, just in case. While you’re on My Power Mall you can also check for tours and accommodations. Wyndham is on there, Hyatt, Marriot. Heck, BritRail Tours is even on there – 1000s of “stores” to choose from, rebates on all of them.

5. You’ll also need some special clothes for your trip, available at discount from 1000s of merchants through My Power Mall as well. Specifically we recommend:

a. A hat or head covering, sunglasses, and good sunscreen. Think of it like skiing in Colorado. High altitude.

b. Comfortable casual clothes, jeans, shorts, t-shirts are fine. The temperature can vary. Bring layers. Of course there is air-conditioning on the train. In one hotel, we turned the heat on at night.

c. A backpack or something you can put over your shoulder to put all your things in like purse, passport and camera.

d. Film or batteries for the camera. Trust me – you’ll take hundreds of photos and never tire.

e. Shoes for horseback riding, hiking and the ATV.

f. Something for rain. There were sort of tropical showers in the afternoons and evenings when we were there.

g. Bathing suit. Some of the hotels have hot tubs and pools. Check before you go. You may also want to take a dip in some of the beautiful rivers.

6. Dress clothes optional. Our tour included two really nice restaurants. So if you like to dress up, go ahead. The one we ate at in the town of Chihuahua, it was Sunday afternoon and the families there were dressed. (It was also one of the single best meals I’ve ever had.)

7. Any special equipment for your laptop, cell phone etc. you can do some quick comparison shopping and get a good deal here. Everywhere we stayed had computer connection, but not always a computer. What was nice was the ones that did have computers and Internet let you get on the Internet without charge. They don’t do that on a cruise now, do they?

8. Check with your cell provider before you go about coverage. There were blackouts for us.

9. A guide. He can handle the luggage, the tickets, the lines, the local culture, the language and currency, getting through customs, and they know where the good places and the good water are. In the towns where we stopped, there was always a place to buy the things we needed or wanted, like bottled water. Hey! I needed a pony tail holder. They even had that! And at the local versions of Stop ‘n’ Go’s, we fell in love with Cremas.

10. Get insurance – if you’re driving in Mexico, and also check your health insurance to see if you’re covered in Mexico.

11. One last thing and you can get this on My Power Mall too -- Toilet paper. Yeah, you’ll see a lot of the locals getting on the train with a roll of TP. The restrooms were well-stocked (and clean), but it seems to be a tradition.

12. Lastly, enrich your experience by learning before you go. On LEARNING TROVE you can find videos about Mexico, and also introductory Spanish. If you’re taking kids with you, this will really add to their experience. Comprende? Actually one of the hidden bonuses about this trip is that your kids may see the Milky Way for the first time in their lives. There’s a great educational video about the Milky Way on Learning Trove. Just go HERE and enter “Milky Way.” It may be the first time you have seen the Milky Way in many years, without realizing it. The stars at night are very visible. Great learning experience for the kids.

I’d heard a lot about the Copper Canyon train ride. It’s one of those trips that exceeded my expectations. It helps to be well-prepared, so I hope these tips help you.

©Join MyPowerMall, http://www.excideals.com/, dedicated to the power of online shopping. There is absolutely no cost to you, there are 1000+ stores and millions of products you need, you earn shopping rebates on every purchase you and your team make, and 6.5% of corp profits go to One-Child-At-A-Time. Join, get others to join, make your life easier, save time, have opportunity to earn unlimited passive income from a fr** online business. Got questions? Email Mel, mailto:rakemet@hotmail.com .

Emotional Intelligence and Success in Business

People who consider emotional intelligence to be a "soft" skill are taking a second look. It can lead to hard results, of the kind you look for in business.

Experts argue that E.I. directly impacts productivity and profits. For example: Richard Boyatzis, professor and chairman of the organizational behavior department at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, assessed the senior partners in a multinational consultancy and found that those who exhibited E.I. competencies more frequently delivered over $1 million more in annual profits from their accounts than did other senior partners.

From "Management Skills," http://www.cio.com/

The best way to 'learn' emotional intelligence, to increase yours, is coaching. You can't just read about it, and if you knew how to put it in to practice, you would already be doing that because the results are so beneficial.

Management Skills: Emotional Intelligence is not just for women

Sensitivity in the Office? We've come a long way since this article was written in 2003, and I'm talking as much about "the media" as about the subject of the article.
Management Skills: Are You the Strong, Sensitive Type? - CIO.com - Business Technology Leadership

Writes Meredith Levinson:

Like you, Alan Hughes believes employees should check their personal problems at the door when they enter the office. But Hughes, CIO of GE Commercial Distribution Finance in St. Louis, also realizes that doing so is not always realistic. "We all go through different crises in our lives. They're distractions. You can't help but bring them to work, either consciously or
subconsciously," he says.

The article talks about one of Hughes' employees who was going through a divorce. (Um,
what's the "distraction" from what, between a marriage and work?)

The article goes on to say how well Hughes handled the employee in this case.

The article then mentions and defines Emotional Intelligence (E.I.). Wendy Alfus Rothman, president of The Wenroth Group, a human resources consultancy in New York City, is quoted, and she says: "E.I. is not just for women."

"It is real intelligence," she says.

And you bet it's not "just for women." "It is real intelligence," Rothman is quoted as saying.

And what can be more distracting in an office than a man who can't control his temper, or has no empathy for others, since communication is based on empathy as well as logic, facts, and cognitive intelligence. It is what you say, it's how you say it ... including being able to read nonverbal communication, and to manage your own nonverbal communication.

If you must leave a place that you loved

A poem today, for those of you who are leaving some place or something behind that was once dear to you ...

I have learned that if you must leave a place
That you have lived in and loved,
And where all of your yesterdays are buried deep -
Leave it any way except slow;
Leave it the fastest way you can.
Never turn back and believe that an hour you remember
Is a better hour because it is dead.
Past years seem safe ones, vanquished ones,
While the future lives in a cloud, formidable from a distance.
The cloud clears though, as you enter it.
I have learned this, but like everyone,
I learned it late.

Beryl Markham, 1902-1986

Keep movin'! If you'd like coaching on a 'move,' let me know.

Idealism. Good thing? Bad thing?

"It is only when we relinquish the ideal that the truly transformed person emerges: inspired and uninspired; secure and insecure; joyous and solemn; wise and stupid; independent and dependent; imperfect still, but transformed anew again, and still again."
(Sara Strand)

The energy is really good for doing this work. Coaching, remember, moves you from where you are going forward, and is inherently tranformational.

If you didn't have a perfect childhood, if you live in an imperfect world, if you've been shafted by a 'friend' or bullied by a co-worker, if you've had setbacks and rejections and so forth ... well that was then and this is now.

Here are some tips excerpted and paraphrased from one of the gurus in the field of effectiveness, Peter Drucker.
I use this in coaching.

Effective people:

Ask what needs to be done
Ask what is right for this situation, these prople, this project or enterprise.
Develop action plans and then carry them out.
Take responsibility for decisions.
Take responsibility for communicating.
Focus on opportunities rather than problems. (Ask any marathon runner -- keep your eye on the goal, not on the hurdles)
Run productive meetings (which means only when needed. As my buddy Mr. Mafioso says, meetings aren't to schmooz and feel good. Call a meeting only if a decision needs to be made. Your folks will appreciate this. I get so much email about this -- people hate meetings that waste their time and serve no purpose.)

Intentionality. It's all about the emotional intelligence competency of Intentionality.

Consider it your job this month to be effective. Effectiveness can be learned. I teach it.
For coaching - sdunn@susandunn.cc, 817-734-1471.
Credit cards, PayPal, personal checks.

It's time to get back to school!!

Speaking of learning ... from the movie, "Copper Canyon"

Johnny Carter: When you kill a man, he dies just as bad or just as stupid as the moment when you put the bullet in him. If you let him live, he's still got a chance to learn things.
Deputy Lane Travis: Well, that's smart... provided he learns the right things.

This undoubtedly pertains to emotional intelligence things!
Get on it! Times a'wastin'.

Customer Relations Work and Emotional Intelligence

I'll be doing a series of customer service stress management and emotional intelligence training for a major organization in September. This is stressful work and to succeed, even to survive, you have to have high EQ, or emotional intelligence.

As this article Customer Experience Podcast #5: Intrapersonal QBC points out, customer relations and sales, by phone particularly, is a very stress job that requires good emotional intelligence skills. "The emotional rollercoaster of sales and customer service presents a constant challenge to the individual to respond appropriately in all cases," says the article.

They sign intrapersonal skills such as self-regard, emotional self-awareness, assertiveness and so forth.

For instance:

Self Regard. People with higher levels of self-regard have a track record of success, and they attribute that success to themselves. That confidence rubs off on the customer, who gets the feeling that they are in good hands. By contrast, someone with poor self-regard presents both themselves, and the brand they represent, in a poor light.

Self Awareness. The ability to recognise one’s own emotional state is critical in enabling the indivudual [sic] to moderate that state as circumstances demand.

That means not just recognizing emotions, but being able to tell when you are reaching your tipping point, and knowing why. It may be that you aren't really listening to the customer, or it could be that you're too tired or too hot. When you're uncomfortable physically, it can set your emotional states higher. Like when you come home from a hard day at work and are tired, and something comes up with the kids.

This may seem obvious but you might say, "Well anyone would get mad at something like this." With The EQ course you can learn to modulate the states, hopefully getting angry more slowly, staying thess a shorter time and having it be less intense, getting out of it quicker, and recovering faster. It's about modulating your emotions.

Emotional intelligence is very important in customer relations work. In fact it accounts for about 80% of your success in an endeavor. The EQ COURSE raises your emotional intelligence, your EQ. It's interactive, on the Internet and self-paced, with feedback. It is consistently rated #1. Check it out -- www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm .

What price your future success?

Is it Emotionally Intelligent to Own a Pet?

Is it emotionally intelligent to own a pet?
Help your doctor out by getting a cat or dog??

Take a look at this site and read some of the scientific evidence:

Pet Therapy, Healthy Reasons To Have A Pet, therapeutic use of Pets, Benefits of Pet Therapy, holisticonline.com
From the article:

Seniors who own dogs go to the doctor less than those who do not.

In a study of 100 Medicare patients, even the most highly stressed dog owners in the study has 21 percent fewer physician's contacts than non-dog owners. (Siegel, 1990).

Pet owners have lower blood pressure. (Friedman, 1983, Anderson 1992).

A recent study, from the State University of New York at Buffalo, looked at male and female stockbrokers already taking medication to control high blood pressure. Researchers say those with a pet nearby during stressful encounters experienced half the increase in blood pressure as those who did not own a pet.

Lead author, Dr. Karen Allen, calls the results "dramatic and significant." She says while medication can lower blood pressure, it cannot relieve stress and that can force blood pressure back up. The research team says it chose a dog or cat for each stockbroker at the beginning of the study and soon the study participants became very attached to their pets.

Six months later, Allen says, many of the stockbrokers in the medication-only control group went out and got themselves a pet.

Pet owners have lower triglyceride and cholesterol levels than non-owners (Anderson, 1992).

Lots of good stuff in this article about emotional intelligence! It's emotionally intelligent to own a pet, it looks like.

Daniel Kobialka Talks about Emotional Intelligence

The Emotional Intelligence of Music: A Note for the Back-to-Schoolers

"Music to Motivate, Accelerate and Support Learning" is the article appearing on the website of reknowned violinist Daniel Kobialka: Daniel Kobialka Music

And a fitting topic it is, as we approach the beginning of another school year, though it's all the same to us lifetime learners. (We know it contributes to the emotional intelligence competency of resilience.)

On Kobialka's website: "I found years ago that music creates a healing environment. I find Kobialka's to be the best available." -Dr. Bernie Siegel.

Kobialka admits that as he prepares to write about music and learning, he is thinking about emotional intelligence.

From the article:

One concept that keeps popping up in articles and books about the subject, is how music can strengthen emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman wrote a book on the subject in 1995, and since then there's been quite a buzz around the ideas. In fact, when the Harvard Business Review published an article on emotional intelligence two years ago, it attracted more readers than any other article published in HBR in the last 40 years! **Now that's buzz!

Although, like other "pop concepts" there has been considerable malignment, the idea has firm roots in science. Basically, there is scientific acceptance that there are cognitive (relating to thinking and the brain) and non-cognitive (everything else) intelligences. ... If we define success as a person's ability to act purposefully, think rationally, and deal effectively with his environment, then we immediately realize that how he, his coworkers, and his boss feel also impact the results he is able to achieve.

Kobialka lists some of the emotional intelligence competencies, noting how they inter-relate. He concludes:

"You can see how music that stimulates attention, calms anxiety, tempers over-exuberance, and creates happiness would also motivate, support and accelerate learning."

For more about music and emotional intelligence, see www.susandunn.cc/vivoperlei.htm. Now a coincidence that it is dedicated to a physician and healer, Dr. John J. Alifano, a pianist and composer.

**Get with the buzz - though as you can tell, this is far from the fad du jour. Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks to learn more about emotional intelligence and "ace the EQ exam." 817-734-1471, sdunn@susandunn.cc .

TRAIN TRIP COPPER CANYON

TRAIN TRIP TO COPPER CANYON

I'm on MySpace - take a look for today's word on Emotional Intelligence.
http://blog.myspace.com/susandunncoach

The big news is that I just got back from my great vacation taking the Copper Canyon train ride in Mexico.



Here are the Taramuhara Indians selling their wares at the Divisadero train stop. This is where 3 canyons converage. This is the biggest canyon system in the world, 7x bigger than the Grand Canyon in the US - and no lines, not a lot of people. The train crosses an elevation of 7,000 feet, involving something like 70 tunnels and 36 bridges. Those bridges are something else again!



You can hang out the doors between cards to take great photographs. I talked to tourists from Germany, France, Italy, Mexico and the US.

Here is the chapel in the mission at Cerocahui. Beautiful. They have a boarding school there for the Tarahumara Indian girls, and also a day school.



We got on at Chihuahua and then rode to El Fuerte, stopping along the way because the train isn't a sleeper. We stayed at Paraiso del Oso in Cerachui, Mission Tarahumara near Bahuichivo train stop, and Hotel Torres del Fuerte. The wonder, Sr. Torres, had been riding on the train with us. He and his wife converted the hotel from their colonial style home. We loved the mamma duckling in the courtyard, with her 10 little ones!

We visited the Pancho Villa museum. Viva Barranca de Cobre!

One of the best vacations I've ever had.

Pilots Need Emotional Intelligence

PILOTS BEING TESTED FOR THEIR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?

"You can't learn it in the classroom like your IQ stuff," says Dr. Stein, in an article about pilots and emotional intelligence. "To learn emotional skills, you've got to go out there and practise them in the real world. You've got to interact with people and think about how that interaction goes..." Some people have even brought in coaches to help them improve their EQ," he adds.

DO pilots need to have Emotional Intelligence? Yes, they do, we find out in an article called emotional workplace -- and indeed any workplace is "emotional." The funniest question I've been asked on my expert column was, "Do you think emotions belong in the workplace?" Hmmm. It doesn't matter what my opinion is -- or yours either, with all due respect -- because emotions are in the workplace whether you like it or not, like the sun in the sky.

And you must now how to deal with emotions in an intelligence manner in order to succeed -- yours, theirs, ours, his and hers. This becomes increasingly complex in the current multicultural scene many people work in.

From the article

Do you say what you think even if it upsets someone? Do you ask people for help if a task seems too hard? Do you find it hard to enjoy life? Are you happy? At your next job interview, it might be your inner self the employer is most interested in, not what's listed on your resume or stored in your brain. While experience and IQ opened doors in the past, organizations from Air Canada, American Express and Deloitte to the U.S. Air Force, are looking at EQ -- emotional intelligence -- as a key indicator of a person's success at work. We've all heard of IQ, but what is EQ?

"Emotional intelligence is your ability to be aware of your emotions, to manage them, to be aware of the emotions of the people around you and to manage those to some degree as well," says clinical psychologist Steven Stein... When you have emotionally intelligent leaders, managers and people, things go better."

Dismissed by some back then as a fad, Dr. Stein says there has been renewed
interest in the field today as companies recognize the value of hiring and promoting emotionally superior workers, especially with the increased importance placed on leadership, team work and office culture.

"People with higher emotional skills are more able to get help and muster teams, they're able to be seen more as leaders and are more likely to be put in leadership positions. They get promoted faster," he says. Indeed, while IQ might get a person through the door, success is largely a matter of EQ, says Dr. Stein. "People often get hired because of their IQ. But what happens once you're hired is, the ones who do better on the job are usually the ones with the higher EQ," he says.

Air Canada has used an EQ assessment on 650 new pilots hired since 2005.

"An airline captain is ... a team leader. He's overseeing the cockpit crew, the flight deck crew as well as the cabin crew. And he's not only interacting with the other crew members but also with other departments within the airline," says Capt. Dave Legge, vice-president of flight operations. "Obviously, if you have to interact well
with other people, these are instruments that we can use during the selection process to identify people that have these enhanced skills," he says.

Read full article here: The emotional workplace

To find out what your EQ is, take THE EQ MAP. Then get coaching. As the article says, you can't learn it just from a book.

Please note: The article ends with something about the coach helping them tell how they're feeling during different points in the day. EQ coaches do a lot more than that. Come find out! 817-734-1471, sdunn@susandunn.cc, http://www.susandunn.cc/ .

From Disturbed High Schooler to College Killer - WSJ.com

From Disturbed High Schooler to College Killer - WSJ.com

From this article about a tragedy:

Mr. Pavela also says colleges increasingly ask essay questions on applications to try to shed light on a candidate's "emotional intelligence." The Massachusetts Institute of Technology tells applicants it wants to know how they "bring balance" to their lives and asks them to "tell us about something you do simply for the pleasure of it."

This Wall Street Journal article attempts to enravel the deatils of Mr. Cho's experiences in school, and what else might have been done to help this desperate and mute young man, and avoid this tragedy which ultimately involved the lives of so many.

From the article:

Details of Mr. Cho's experience in special education, which are only now coming to light, suggest that high schools may be paying too much attention to the academic advancement of bright but troubled students and not enough to their emotional disorders. "The focus is, 'What do we need to do to help him get through school?' " says Dewey Cornell, a clinical psychologist and professor of education at the University of Virginia.

It is difficult to comment on this story. It's the continuing story of students who are bright academically who fail somewhere along the line to acquire emotional intelligence. That is isn't just about getting through school, there is a life wrapped around that school. Any comment seems glib.

Such a waste. Such a terrible waste -- of many lives.

Cancer Update and Emotional Intelligence

Cancer Update

Anger kills. Resentment is anger on steroids. Depression is anger "without the enthusiasm." Hostility is never leaving the toxic environment.

When you read this cancer update you will understand that your immune system is your health. 5 minutes of anger suppresses your immune system for up to 8 hours. Does a depressed or hostile person ever leave the angry state? You tell me.

But how do you deal with anger when there's so much out there that can make you angry? Do you really have a choice? Traffic jams, teenagers, irritating cell phones, canceled flights, difficult bosses? There are answers in THE EQ COURSE. You have a choice about your emotional reaction. This interactive Internet course is about the cost of two massages (heavenly while it lasts), two therapy sessions (where you're supposed to talk about the things that have made you angry in the past, like your childhood or failed married, which common sense would tell you brings up more anger), or two tickets to a movie and a fine dinner (which you won't enjoy) -- and THE EQ COURSE is likely to do more good and last a lot longer. Most people call emotional intelligence "the missing piece."

When you read this, you'll also see why I like Arbonne's Get Well Soon Supplement. The name sort of assumes some of things addressed here.

Here is a Cancer Update attributed to various institutions, none of which could be confirmed, but it is not (according to snopes) from Johns Hopkins. Need I say this is not medical advice? Medical advice comes from a licensed physician! See if this resonates for you. Then take action for your wellness.

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body.

These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic, environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract, etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size.However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various
kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply. Cancer cells feed on: [negative emotions and...]:

• (a) Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes like ExtraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color.Better alternative is Bragg's Aminos or sea salt.b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract.
• (b) Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soya milk cancer cells are being starved.
• (c) Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.
• (d) A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains,seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhancegrowth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
• (e) Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer-fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines become putrified and leads to more toxic buildup.

13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc. - try MyArbonne (Get Well Soon dietary supplement) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

Want to learn more about anger and how to manage it? 817-734-1471. Some people call for a read from time. Take THE EQ COURSE. Get Well Soon Dietary Supplement here - and others.

OpinionJournal - Taste

OpinionJournal - Taste

Professors on the Battlefield
Where the warfare is more than just academic.
BY EVAN R. GOLDSTEIN

Great article about multicultural - blending academicians with the military in understanding a foreign culture. Nice in the face of the current "anti-intellectualism." The military is bringing "intellectuals" (i.e., college professors) in to help out.

Excerpts:

The terms of this relationship are most evident in the new Counterinsurgency
Field Manual. In the face of a gruesomely persistent Iraqi insurgency, Gen.
Petraeus [commander of the multinational forces in Iraq. Gen. Petraeus, who
holds a doctorate from Princeton University in international relations] was
charged with revamping the outdated counterinsurgency doctrine. In an
unprecedented collaboration, he reached out to Sarah Sewall, who directs the
Carr Center for Human Rights Policy at Harvard University, to help him
organize a vetting session of the draft manual at Fort Leavenworth in Kansas.

Journalists, human-rights activists, academics and members of the armed forces exchanged ideas about how to make the doctrine more effective and more humane.

In the Human Terrain System (what terminology! - how about emotional intelligence and multicultural EQ?), Marcus Griffin, a professor of anthropology at Christopher Newport University in Newport News, Va. has been sent to assist the military in Afghanistan and Iraq, where he, and others 'professors' serve as "cultural advisers" to brigade commanders. Griffin's job is to shed some light on the local culture-- "thereby diminishing the risk that U.S. forces unwittingly offend Iraqi sensibilities...he can improve Iraqi and American lives.

Hopefully he includes emotional intelligence. It's one thing to know anthropologically the people are different; another, to know what to do about it, and how.

Lastly, in a blog article, Tom Hayden is cited -- "a bizarre conception of the role of scholars in American life: that they should be held to a priestly standard of ethical purity.

"Are academics so much purer than anybody else that we can't ever be in
situations where we are confronting tough ethical choices?" asks Noah Feldman, a
professor of law at Harvard who briefly, in 2003, was an adviser to the
Coalition Provisional Authority. "If academics didn't get involved with these
kinds of difficult questions, maybe all that would be left is a department of
Kantian philosophy," he jokes. "Then we would be pure, but we would be
irrelevant."

Increase your emotional intelligence and multicultural awareness with THE EQ COURSE and "Emotional Intelligence and Multicultural Awareness." Useful in your own particular war zone! :-)

Is Emotional Intelligence Just the Fad du Jour?

Is Emotional Intelligence Just the Fad du Jour?

OR IS IT THE KEY (Click on link to read full article)

QUOTES FROM AROUND THE WORLD

“Top leaders are getting in touch with their emotions and those of their staff as intuition and emotional intelligence become the hottest management buzzwords.” (Australia)

“Let me leave you with the million Ringgit question,” writes a Malaysian consultant. “Is it imperative to measure our emotional intelligence and take appropriate steps to bridge our EI gaps? Only you can decide. I rest the case with you.”

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN EQ IS LOW?

It’s expensive in terms of lost money, opportunity, time, relationships, promotions, careers, projects, goals, accomplishments, self-esteem, marriages, physical and emotional health, and even life.

– 75% of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies
– 70% of the reasons why customers and clients are lost are EQ-related
– 50% of time wasted in business is due to lack of trust
– Seniors get worse in hospitals when the physical therapists don’t engage with them
– Counseling clients fail to change because their counselors lack empathy or optimism
– 50% of marriages fail
– Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for youths aged 15-24 in the US
– Think this is because of industrialized society? Think again. Samoa has the highest suicide rate in the world.
– Impulsive boys are 3-6x as likely to be violent adolescents
– Low levels of empathy predict poor school performance
– Gifted children manifest a near “blindness” to social cues which leads to isolated and sad childhoods
– Doctors with poor EQ skills get sued more
– 75-90% of visits to primary care physicians in the US are due to stress-related problems
– Pessimists live shorter, unhealthier, unhappier, lives, and are less likely to achieve their potential than optimists
– College students in a study with the same IQ and GPA who did not write down their career goals with Intentionality were 50% less successful 15 years later
– Perfectionism is potent. Perfectionists produce better work, get better grades, get enormous positive feedback. Perfectionists also have a markedly higher suicide rate.

Is Sex a Cure for Depression

Is Sex a Cure for Depression? (sounds like a line, doesn't it)

Sex is a beauty treatment ... Lovemaking can burn up calories ...

Did you get this one in your email?

Dr. Dorree Lynn think there might be something to it. She received it from Radio Talk show host, Jim Bohannon, http://www.jimnotalk.com/.

Assuming there' s a relationship around it, it's emotionally intelligent. Statistics show that married men are the happiest (the single women, then married women, then single men). Isolation (bsence of emotional connection) is harder on our health than smoking, obesity and high blood pressure combined.

"It happens to be as good a medical and psychological prescription as I know," Dr. Lynn says. "It's pretty valid. "

Well here it is!

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.
2. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.
3. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It' s more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!
4. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
5. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
6. Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM.
7. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

DO YOU KEEP WALKING INTO THE BLADE OF A FAN?
Try the DIFFICULT PEOPLE course. It's on the Internet. It's interactive. It's saving people!! Click HERE to order. Just $29.95, less than a movie and it's effects last a lot longer.