It starts with the coining of a new word - kluge, which rhymes with huge. It's ...

“a clumsy or inelegant — yet surprisingly effective — solution to a problem.” Something you probably do all the time; I know I do.

As an EQ coach and student of the human brain, I found the book review by Annie Murphy Paul interesting.

Marcus is a prof of psychology at New York Univ. and director of the NYU Infant Language Learning Center.

Marcus says that kluge is a good description of the human body.

Writes Paul:

Take the spine. It would make more sense, and spare us much Advil, if we had
four cross-braced columns of vertebrae instead of a single vulnerable one. Or the retina: it faces the back of the head rather than the front, burdening us with a blind spot where a clump of wiring gets in the way. We’re a collection of patches and fixes, held together with the biological equivalent of duct tape — the handiwork not of an intelligent designer but of the rough-and-ready processes of evolution.

Here I might add that it's good to remember we evolved from a creature on four legs, and hanging limbs off a spine like that made sense. When my back got to hurting when I was pregnant, my good ole country doctor told me to get down on all fours and give my spine a little relief. Are these bits of advice "homey" and "silly." Um, not at all. It helped and, after the fact, made sense.

Murphy adds:

Evolution “kluges” its solutions because it has only the crudest tools at its disposal: genetic mutations and millions of years. Natural selection can select only from what genetic accidents have made available, and the features it chooses may remain in place not because they are optimal, Marcus writes, but “because evolution just didn’t find a better way.”

Neuroscience tells us of the triune brain - one brain on top of another, on top of another, progressing upwards from the reptilian brain, which evolved a LONG time ago, and thus will always be the strongest. Envisioning the brain this way helps to explain the conflicts we all have - it's one brain wanting one thing, and another, wanting another.

Paul faults the author for such 'obvious-ities' as: "Whenever possible, don’t make important decisions when you are tired or have other things on your mind.” I would add here what my psychology professor told me in grad school -- that EVERYTHING is "obvious" once it's een pointed out. It's just that we are "the fish in the water." Sometimes we MISS the most OBVIOUS things.

But so much about emotional intelligence is common sense, which has NEVER been common, and still isn't.

In fact I bet there's someone reading this who makes a note-to-self -- don't make important decision when you are tired!

I would add an even more obvious adage, that we miss over and over again -- Don't talk or deal with things when you are angry. And down here in south Texas, don't deal with things when you're too HOT, is another one. When the reptilian brain takes over, we can't think, and that's when we do a lot of harm.

In fact I'm coaching a man who said the other day, "I've learned to say 'I'm going to end this meeting now before we both say something we regret.'"

There's nothing wrong with a time out.

Keeping your mouth shut is sometimes a good policy. I'm a DATING COACH, and I often have to remind new-daters that one needn't, in fact shouldn't, tell everything right away, especially the bumps and warts and so forth. And don't talk negatively about your ex, or how 'awful' dating is. Those kinds of comments seem to beg the question that you are (1) unhappy; (2) in therapy; (3) both!

How about "don't tickle a gorilla." Learn to notice what's going on with the OTHER person, so you don't "walk into the blade of a fan."

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . Let me help you get what you want!

US Elections, Emotional Intelligence and Greek Drama

EQ applications?

Why is emotional expression so important? It means, basically, having words for thing.

Now, let’s take the current election. There’s a FEEL to it that most of us try to grasp, try to find words for.

I lament the passing of the Classic Education – you know, liberal arts, great literature, music, Verdi operas and Shakespeare’s plays – because at some point in each of our lives, there is going to come a time when you are going to need a vocabular that only the classics, history and myths can supply for you.

This is why all lovers are poets, and also, all mothers whose sons die young are poets.

In his article, “Yes, it’s politically incorrect but race matters,” Anatole Kaletsky reminds us of some facts – that there is nothing new under the sun, that we can at times find ourselves in our own Greek tragedy.” (This article is entitled "Yes, it's politically incorrect, but race matters.")

What does this mean – Greek tragedy? Kaletsky continues,

“The 2008 US election has all the makings of a Greek tragedy, in which noble heroes and heroines are forced to follow a course to catastrophe, divinely preordained as punishment for sins and blkunders committed by their forefathers in the dim and distant past. In acting out their ineluctable doom, the eloquent protaganists do not just destroy themselves but also their cities, their nations and even their entire civilisations.”

Strong words … but if you’ve ever found yourself caught in a 'Greek drama', you know the “ineluctable feeling.” There’s a force to it, a drag force. There's no other word for it ... and that's what we're after here. You may have to go THROUGH it, but it's 10x as bad if you can't describe it.

It’s awful, of course, but it is also helpful to know the words for it. For instance, watching the kid down the hall who seems to want his job, and yet be, at the same time, determined to get fired. And all this flying beneath his own radar screen.

I created a Mythology course just for this sort of thing. One should not be, for instance, Prometheus, without knowing it; but then of course you might want to behave differently, and therefore change the outcome.

There is always free will, of course. Feelings change. They also needn’t dictate behaviors. Why would you base any decision on a "fleeting feeling"? (One of the chapters in my course, actually, is called "A Permanent Reminder of a Temporary Feeling," from the J. Buffet song. (How is that different from intuition? Take THE EQ COURSE and find out.) Part of the joy of developing your emotional intelligence is understanding, finally, that you are not your feelings, and that you always have options.

Unless you’re in a Greek drama of course, under the pen of Sophocles. (Bear in mind also that if you aren’t mindful, you can well be playing a part in someone ELSE’S Greek drama.)

I do a lot of DATING COACHING. I nearly always have a client who is embroiled in their lover's DRAMA, just playing a part without being aware of what's going on. You should also be aware of this in dating someone newly divorced, for instance, or someone who hasn't resolved stuff from the past. You will find yourself in a 'drama' - where you are mistaken for a pst wife, a past girl-friend, even a parent!)

Are you? Study emotional intelligence and learn more.
eMail me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .
Ask about THE EQ Course, The MYTHS course, personal coaching, and DATING COACHING.

Opera Prompters, Life Coaches & Emotional Intelligence

HOW ARE COACHES LIKE OPERA PROMPTERS?
BTW, what's an opera prompter?? And what's that got to do with emotional intelligence?
by Susan Dunn, M.A., Personal Life & Dating Coach
sdunn@susandunn.cc

5 hours you’re standing on-stage, often not singing yourself, but still required to be present. How do you keep from drifting off? Soprano Christine Brewer, soprano with the San Francisco Opera, admitted, in a Wall Street Journal article by Thomas S. Burton, entitled “It’s Not Over (Yet) for Those Who Cue Divas,” that in a recent 5-hour performance of Wagner’s TRISTAN UND ISOLDE, it happened to her. She drifted off, and Jonathan Kuhner saved her life.

Jonathan Kuhner … Philip Eisenberg … know these names? Philip Eisenberg’s name appears on the SF opera program as “Philip Eisenberg, Assistant for Artists, Emeritus. What do these gentleman do? They’re PROMPTERS for operas, and, according to one source, there are fewer than 10 prompters working full-time in U. S. companies these days.

Are they needed?

Well according to Baritone Nathan Gunn, “They always get the biggest applause at cast parties.” One can imagine how many lives and careers they have saved. Don’t you wish you had one?? Well now you can ... but read on.

Gunn pointed out that if you see a singer standing longer than they should at front-center stage, it’s probably because they’re lost and looking to the prompter to lead them back.

Or looking for confidence. A recent article described James Johnson, 68-year-old prompter, descending into the prompter’s box (it doesn’t even have a real name!) minutes before the beginning of Tchaikovsky’s “Eugene Onegin,” where, as the orchestra of the Chicago Lyric Opera began, he kept the beat with his hands, said the first word of many lines, and [exuded] confidence so the singers stayed calm.”

Many of the prompters are ‘of an age’ – many operas must be known (and remember, each has ‘so many words’), and many languages (those ‘many words’ are not always in the singer’s native tongue). They also have to have a lot of emotional intelligence. Opera singers say they can also serve as “your voice of reason and practicality,” when the conductor speaks in that foreign language they do, i.e., “sing like an obelisk,” or “you’re making a sound that’s domelike. I want a parabola.” The opera stars look to the prompters to interpret.

Don’t you wish you had one at work, when your boss says “prioritize according to the functionality,” or “I don’t care, just make sure you choose the RIGHT place.” (This is what personal life coaches do – help you interpret.)

Or don’t you wish you had one to guide you through your role as leading man or romantic heoine in your own romantic drama? Someone to help you keep the beat (how often to call her, how often to see her), to interpret the silence (why doesn’t he call?), or to translate the foreign-speak (“What does a woman mean when she says…?”) This is what personal life coaches do.
Back to those opera prompters, I guess since the orchestra sits between you and me in the audience, and the singers on stage, we do not hear, for instance, when the beat gets ragged and the prompter pounds on the floor of the box to make the beat more pronounced to the singers. Or when, according to a Wall Street Journal article about prompters, Christine Brewer lost her way, started singing the role of another, and the prompter leaned out of the box and yelled, “Stop singing.”

The WSJ article hastens to laud Ms. Brewer’s voice … why are we so hesitant to acknowledge that needing assistance about certain things does not negate other skills? Of course you’re tops in the field of law, but that’s a lot different from courting the woman of your dreams? Of maybe you’re Wife and Mother of the Year, but your career sure could use some coaching.

Prompters are like coaches, because they prepare the singers beforehand, as well as guiding them during. “The prompter’s job,” says Burton, in the WSJ, “combines the skills of a conductor, musicologist and linguist, with an unusual ability to listen to the orchestra, keep time with the hands and deliver the singers’ lines a moment before the downbeat.”

Kuhner describes it as “juggling.” That’s often how I feel as a coach – maintaining the beat for the client’s juggling act!

“Operas just have so many words,” said soprano Susan Graham, in praise of the prompters, who are making a comeback. “I’m a big lover of prompters,” she said.

Need it be said that in Italy, where they originated, they’ve continued all along, but opera houses in the U. S. are bringing them back after a lapse.

Wouldn’t you like to have a prompter when you’re stage-center, whether it be in dating, career, parenting or retirement? That’s what coaching is all about: preparing you beforehand, and making it easier during, for a professional and successful outcome. It’s someone to teach you the lines “when there are so many words,” to interpret the words of others, prompt you and prepare you so you are self-assured, and stick with you until your Perfect Performance is completed and the applause is ringing in your ears. Also I might add, and this will make you laugh -- to tell you when to stop singing!

A personal life coach can also greatly increase your productivity. Caruso wouldn’t have thought of performing without a prompter, and because of this, he typically did one opera one night in one town, and another opera the next night in another town.

Consider, for instance, if you are seriously looking for a lifetime partner on online dating sites. How on earth do you keep track of it all, and how do you know what to do when with each contender … kind of like a 5-hour Wagnerian opera isn’t it? Thank heavens for prompters, and thank heavens for coaches. I know I have greatly increased the success-capacity of many clients, and together we have pulled off some “bravo” and “encore” performances.

“My coach is someone to come back to and check in with along the way,” says one of my clients. “Susan eliminates a lot of static for me so I can concentrate on my game.”

In fact, pretty similar to WSJ’s description of a prompter as “…a safety net and a friendly face, allowing performers to concentrate more…” adding, “They help keep complex and loud passages together.”

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . Dating coaching a specialty.

Supreme Court and Death Penalty

How do you make a decision? By the rules, but your intuition and experience? What constitutes "good judgement." What if you have to enforce something you personally think is wrong? We face these situations in our lives. If you face one of these as a Supreme Court Justice, how you feel and how you make the decision can have massive consequences for many people.

From "Courting Disaster" by Jonah Goldberg:

The court ruled that the state of Kentucky may continue to use lethal
injections when administering the death penalty. But that's not what's shocking. Nor was it surprising that for the first time Justice John Paul Stevens admitted he thinks the death penalty is unconstitutional.

What is staggering, or at least should be, is that Stevens freely
admits that he no longer considers "objective evidence" or even the plain text of the Constitution determinative of what is or isn't constitutional: "I have relied on my own experience in reaching the conclusion that the imposition of the death penalty" is unconstitutional.

Justice Antonin Scalia, in a blistering response, justifiably exclaimed
that, "Purer expression cannot be found of the principle of rule by judicial fiat."

It sounds like Stevens has decided it is "just plain wrong" ... and yet his job is to enforce the constitution. Send me your thoughts on this one - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Mother's Day,a very emotional occasion

"Where Are All the Mother's Day Articles?"
by Susan Dunn

I went looking for Mother's Day articles for my blog and ezines. I write my own stuff, but I wanted to see what the temperature would be this year. As I perused the article warehouses, I found there wasn’t much, and what there was, was defensive.

One site I scanned had poetry submitted by readers. The titles? "Mom, Give Me My Baby Back," "So Much to Forgive," and "I Know I Was Difficult to Raise." Young women seemed to want their mothers to back off, while men were characteristically silent. If there's one subject both sacred and profane, it's a grown man and his mother.

Most men struggle for years trying to manage the women in their lives: the mother, the wife, the daughter. He loves them all, and cannot please them all. In fact pleasing one will often displease the other. It takes EQ and maturity to maneuver this land-mined territory, to appreciate the plenty, and dole out his attention with confidence. The place of the mother? He loved her first and has loved her the longest. More true today than ever before, with the divorce rate at 50%, and the fact that daughters often alienate from their father when he remarries. "Blood is thicker than water," my middle-aged client told me, as he faced losing not just his wife, but her family, and all their in-common friends as well. "My mother told me that," he said. Then he added, "But who ever listens to your mother."

As the proverb goes, "When you die, your sister's tears will dry as time goes on, your widow's tears will end in another's arms , but your mother will mourn you until the day she dies."

But how yuchy. How unmanly. Well, that, too, needs to be worked out.

There were some sentimental poems of praise, but they read phoney. "You were always there when I needed you"? No one can ever be that. That's simply not possible. "You will always be my mom"? Yes, in the grand sense. No, in the other sense, at least for those of us who don't try and steal our grown children's babies and lives. But, yes, the feeling will always be there, packed away in the place where we put the deep feelings we had, have, for relationships the nature of which has changed. My little boys are somewhere with their father, my ex, with my own mom and dad, now deceased, and a few others.

The silence is both sacred and profane. The love too great to write about, and the anger too uncomfortable to think about. Let's use a child-like word - "hate." Well, you can't hate your mother, that's all there is to it. That we spent a fair portion of our childhood being thwarted by her, as it seems to us as children, and therefore quite angry with her, is something we certainly wouldn't want to talk about on Mother's Day, but which will certainly come to mind, so we are silent.

We all harbor within that shrieking, finger pointing School M'arm who visited in our home at times, ready to crack us across the knuckles with a ruler, or worse. She took away whatever we wanted and loved - the kitten, staying up late, the "inappropriate" boyfriend, the spandex mini, THE FREEDOM.

To confuse things, our home was also visited by the Angel of Mercy, by Kwan Yin, the goddess of compassion, the One Who Comforts. Yes. She comforted us, the hardest thing on this earth to come by.

We seek it later in drugs, alcohol, strangers in the night, therapists, counselors, and ministers, as well as in prescription medication, yoga, mystical experiences, running, massage, and music.

That anxious, scratchy feeling we live with, which is a combination of physiological reaction, emotions and thoughts we call stress, is harder to assuage as we age, and we live in a society that's particularly opposed to the idea of a need for soothing. We would rather sweep it under the rug, endure our heart attacks and keep going.

It's as if we thought if someone took a 15 minute break during the day and sat in a rocking chair with a headset on, listening to Rachmaninoff, well, next thing you know, they'd be sucking their thumb and crying, or, worse, would never return to work.

Other cultures build more time into the day for soothing, like a long lunch hour, where everyone goes home for a visit with loved ones, a good meal, a nap, who knows what. Few of us in the US will ever know. One term being used these days is "cocooning," which is nice, because it doesn't raise alarm that we're all infants inside and likely to crumble at the slightest mention of that fact. Having recently moved to a new city, a big metropolis, I’ve noted that the large skyscrapers have a masseuse on-site – for the whole deal, or just a “chair massage,” with charges by the minute. I see this service being used.

It isn't "infantile" to react physiologically to stress by wanting to get the heck out of there. Like every other living creature, we like to feel good, and things, and others, and deadlines, and crabby people, and nasty tones of voice, and worries plague us and make us feel otherwise.

We want to feel smooth, with no negative emotions. We want out nerves and emotions soothed, comforted, smoothed out. Where is Kwan Yin when we need her most?

Mothers have it easy, because to comfort an infant is pure reflex, and feels just as good to the mom as to the infant. After that, once the infant is perambulatory, it is never so easy again, but every infant remembers, and every mother as well, and hopefully we learn a little emotional intelligence of our own.

So we get rid of that school m'arm finally, and take off on our own, and find a partner and set up our own home, and we don't miss the school m'arm, not at all, but the angel of mercy? What an ache. The partner can't quite get it right. He reaches out when you want to be left alone. She talks when you want silent understanding. He tries to hug you when your nerves are on edge. She won't let you get physical when that's the only thing that would help.

Mom would've known exactly what to do. Or so we think, in retrospect.

That part is true, or partly true. I generally knew what my sons needed. I might not be able to supply it at the time for various reasons, ranging from being busy with something else crucial, to not being there at all, to sensing they would fight my ministrations as "infantilizing," but I knew. Perhaps more importantly, I cared. I would have soothed and comforted them if I could have, and/or if they would have let me. I saw they were upset and I cared. Sometimes you can go days without having that happen in your adult life.

Of all relationships, the mother one is the most complex, because it's the most primitive. We knew when we entered this world we could not survive without her. Therefore it mattered a lot what she did.

I hope your mom was "good enough," that she got it right most of the time, and you knew she cared. Most of us, once we have kids of our own, get a big "ah hah" about the whole thing. I remember standing in the kitchen one day with the 6 year old screaming for help with some toy, and the infant just screaming, and their father screaming in his own way for something else, thinking, "Oh. Now I see. That must've been going on that time my mom forgot to pick me up at school."

Actually we work on this into adulthood. At one point my mother said, "I knew you were hurting, but there was nothing I could do." One day, in respect to my own grown child, I grew into an understanding of that as well. I had felt abandoned by my mother, and knew my son was going to feel abandoned by me. However, she did care, she listened, and she knew, in her wisdom, that anything more she might do would be moving in and taking over my life, which neither one of us would ever forgive. Now it was going the other way.

My mom and I, we had our good times and our bad. My feelings about her will always be ambivalent, and strongly so. That's how most of us feel about our moms. But I feel about her very deeply, beyond words.

That's why there's so little written about it. It's too important.

So go ahead and celebrate Mother's Day with all your various feelings, just like the rest of us, acknowledging what is rarely written – that it’s probably the most emotional ‘occasion’ on the year’s calendar. My son will be coming over at noon to take me out for lunch. I'm really glad he's coming. I just hope he chooses a decent restaurant, not one of those …

JUST KIDDING!!

For coaching, or coach training and certification, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Testosterone, Emotions and the Stock Market

Very interesting article in THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, Science Journali CALLED "Testosterone May Fuel Stock-Market Success or Make Traders Tipsy."

Quoting from the article, som EQ-type tidbits:

• ...scientists exploored how the natural chemistry of fear, confidence and exhiliration can influence financial choices in ways that defy logic ...
• "We want to know how the endocrine system and the brain work together to produce financial behavior."
• from MIT financial economist Andrew Lo - "We need to understand that physiological aspects of brain behavior really impact financial decisions."
• To all surface appearances, "the experienced traders were quiet and poker-faced, in control," said Dr. Coates, a former Wall Street trader. "In fact, underneath their cool exteriors, their endocrine systems [emotions] were on fire. It is almost as if they had learned not only to control these hormones but also to harness them."

This is almost a definition of emotional intelligence -- i.e., learning to control/manage your emotions but, more importantly, to HARNESS them.

Want to learn how? Take THE EQ COURSE. Special retro prices until the emotional economy calms down. :-) email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information, or visit www.susandunn.cc/EQcourse.htm and then email for special price.

We learn better when we learn together.

EQ EQ EQ

Check this out - written by a UK gent and his Netherlands partner.

http://zenhabits.net/2008/03/twelve-keys-of-emotional-intelligence/

From the article:

In business networking emotional intelligence is an important element also. The sensitive handling of questions and conversational leads is a great way to establish trust and help find areas of common ground, whilst not being seen as pushy or interfering. A good way to develop emotional intelligence is to practise the pregnant pause. This is not as stupid as it seems. A deliberate pause stops you from jumping in too soon and it also helps with listening skills because it forces you to think about what has been said and actually answer it in a measured way. All in all emotional intelligence is a powerful asset to nurture.

PS -- The BEST way to develop your EQ is with coaching and THE EQ COURSE! And ... because of what Brian mentions (above), introverts can make some of the best "networkers."

Dating Coach

Remember, I'll be talking about the movie FRIENDS WITH MONEY on http://www.innerlightradio.com/ this Tuesday at 12 noon CST. Tune in and join the discussion. We learn best when we learn together.

And ... speaking of marriages and assumptions ...

From a dating site, this guy is a psychiatrist (divorced).

Q: What have you learned from your past relationships.

A: You have to devote time and energy to the relationship. Many
times the relationship or the family should be treated as if it was a
"job." It actually is the most important one. Despite common delieve
[sic], it is not a place to express or satisfy childhood needs.

Whoa! I'm not sure I agree fully with that statement. Email me and tell me what YOU think about this - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

What a Stroke is Like

In this video, neuroanatomist Jill Bolte Taylor talks about different functions of the brain and also shows a real brain and how the division are between the right and left hemispheres. She had the misfortune of suffering a stroke on the left side, and talks about what it was like.



email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for coaching, Internet courses, and the popular EQ Alive! program.

SPEAKING ON A CRUISE is a wonderful way to travel for less (or free), to meet potential clients, and to combine some things you love. I don't know about you, but I love public speaking and I love to spread the word about my field. Dating, emotional intelligence, transitions (retirement for one), and other self growth and enhancement topics.

I have spoken many times for several cruise lines. One of the things I cover in my ebook, Speak on Cruise & Travel the World for Free is the hidden resources for finding the opportunities. In the vast majority of cases, you do not get booked through the cruise lines themselves. I've spoken on many cruises for several different cruise lines, so I can show you the ropes.

Another thing that's important to know is how to manage your presentation in a situation where you can't just run to Kinkos for more copies! What to bring and how to pack are important to the success of your presentation. What DO you do when you may have 200 listeners, or 20, or even 2. A seasoned professional, I give you lots of tips about this. I also cover the Number One Rule about speaking for cruise lines. Violate this and you won't be asked back!

My ebook will tell you all about it. How to do it, the hidden sources, how it differs from speaking on land, what to bring, and what to watch out for. eMail me for more information sdunn@susandunn.cc .

If you're pressed for time and don't get your best information through books, I offer a one-hour phone consultation for just $50. Then you're in charge and ask the questions. Very time effective because you don't waste time on things you already know.

What's YOUR Favorite Booik?

Some surprises and some not-surprises in the Reuters Life survey on the most popular book in America.

As long as I've been around, the #1 has been the Bible - and it still is.

But there's lots to ponder in the other results. Here's a few tidbits. For the full report, go here.

• #2 for men is J. R. R. Tolkein's "The Lord of the Rings" while for women, it's Margaret Mitchell's "Gone with the Wind"


• For 18- to 31-year-olds it was J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series, while 32- to 43-year-olds named Stephen King's "The Stand" and Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons."


• "Gone With the Wind" was number two in the southern and midwestern United States while easterners chose "The Lord of the Rings" and westerners opted for "The Stand."


• Whites and Hispanics picked "Gone With the Wind" as their second-favorite book after the Bible, while African-Americans preferred "Angels and Demons."

What do you make of this? Share your thoughts with me at sdunn@susandunn.cc . None of those mentioned would have been my second choice. How about you? Let's hear some other favorites.

Absolut lack of emotional intelligence?

Confounding us all at this time is the series of ads being put out by Absolut. This one ran in Mexico. Share your thoughts on the EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE of this ad campaign, i.e., What WERE they thinking?

And of course the parodies are coming out.
In EIN ABSOLUT WELT

Absolut's response can be found on their blog, from no less than the VP of Corporate Communications. Among his comments:

The In An Absolut World advertising campaign invites consumers to visualize a world that appeals to them -- one they feel may be more idealized or one that may be a bit "fantastic." As such, the campaign will elicit varying opinions and points of view. We have a variety of executions running in countries worldwide, and each is germane to that country and that population.

This particular ad, which ran in Mexico, was based upon historical perspectives and was created with a Mexican sensibility. In no way was this meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues. Instead, it hearkens to a time which the population of Mexico may feel was more ideal.

The Look of Shame - Spitzer

THE LOOK OF SHAME

An incredible study of nonverbal behavior. Notice even the 'uniforms' down to the pearls, and the lapels pins.

DON'T MISS INNER LIGHT RADIO - I'll be on air discussing the EQ ramifications of "Friends with Money" on April 15th at 1:00 p.m. CST. Call in and say "hi". For more information go to http://www.lifelessonsfrommovies.com/ or http://www.innerlightradio.com/ . Call in and join in the discussion. We learn best when we learn together. And wait till you hear DERILENE MC CLOUD, the mastermind of this series. I'm really looking forward to this experience, and encourage you to join us.

The Look of Shame ... Or is it the Look of Guilt?
In a law firm where I consulted, when someone made a mistake, they or the others would say "the walk of shame." Meant to kind of lighten the situation. Granted "shaming and blaming" is not suitable behavior for an office - but that's why I was there. That having been said, there are times when one should should feel shame and/or guilt.

Shaming phrases, for instance, are, "You should have known better," and "How could you do something so stupid?" They are designed to make the person feel shame.

Is this the look of shame - or guilt? And what's the difference between the two?
In our language, there is no clearcut distinction better "shame" and "guilt." Cultural anthropologist Ruth Benedict describes shame as "a violation of cultural or social values" while feelings of guilt "arise from violations of internal values."

In their book, "Facing Shame," Fossum and Mason state "While guilt is a painful feeling of regret and responsibility for one's actions, shame is a painful feeling about oneself as a person."

As we grow from childhood into adulthood, and become better able to judge our own actions, guilt becomes the conscience former. Although, in general, guilt guides adult consciences, intrinsic shame is often present in adults too.

Facing up to shameful behavior in public (and I'm sure this is defined culturally - what's "shameful") is especially difficult.

Take a look at the faces of these people. How do these men look? Look especially at the mouths. Hard to describe - but we know it when we see it. The eyes tell a lot too. Often people will shut their eyes while clamping their mouths tightly as well.

The general impression is - I don't want to do this and I hope it will be over with soon.

To learn more, take the EQ Course ...

A Look At Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature

IT CLAWS ... BUT IT ALSO PURRS, NURTURES ITS YOUNG, AND LIVES IN A PACK

Perhaps you've read or heard about the article, "Ten Politically Incorrect Truths about Human Nature" (Psychology Today, Alan S. Miller, PhD., and Satoshi Kanazawa, Ph.D.)

Some of the things listed are not surprising - that men are physically attracted to blond Barbie-types, humans are naturally polygamous, most suicide bombers are Muslim, men become less competitive with age, and politicians do things like Clinton did.

Others many of us will not have heard of -- offsets of the Trivers-Willard theory -- wealthy couples with higher status have more sons. People with at least one son are less likely to divorce. And beautiful people are more likely to have daughters - 56% v. 48%. (One has to wonder if that is statistically significant. Seems to me to be hovering awful close to chance.)

Interesting too is the proposition that if a woman's being harassed in the workplace, she's being treated equally, at last. (Oh thank heavens, at last I can be abused like a man?)

But wait. Isn't this the ten politically incorrect truths about our ANIMAL nature? And haven't we spent most of our time on earth trying to rise above our animal natures? Trying to get beyond the talon principle, nature red in tooth and claw, climb up out of the slime and stand on two legs?

These are instincts from the reptilian brain, which was programmed eons ago and which we still share with - um - reptiles. They are polygamous, yes. Their instincts are uncomplicated: "Can I eat it, will it eat me, can I copulate with it?"

One politically incorrect behavior not mentioned because it's so REALLY politically incorrect, is that we, as individuals, would like to kill someone in order to get what we want. These may be truths about our animal nature, but many people manage to get to a higher level. Some men find a courageous, loving brunette who may even be middle-aged and marry her and remain faithful. Some men avoid becoming a suicide bomber even if in a country which encourages this. They refuse, or they emigrate to a country more favorable to the good life. Not all politicians behave like Clinton did, or Spitzer, even if they could "get away with it." There are CEOs who treat the men who work for them with respect.

Don't bite the hand that feeds you, after all, is using your thinking brain. Some individuals continue being creative and productive well past the age when Gates and McCartney quit, because the drive is not at the animal level, it's coming from higher up. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE SAPIENS IN HOMO SAPIENS?

We have a limbic brain (why we do not eat our children when we're hungry, like reptiles do), and a neocortex - which allows us not just to think, but to think about thinking. Therefore, we can note that we have an animal instinct operating (big deal) and choose not to act on it (that would be stupid). It isn't a command, these "instincts". Unless you aren't linked to your limbic brain and neocortex, that is. If our "human" nature is anything, it is the "homo sapiens" - we're the ones who can think. That means we have choices.

This list of "human nature" is implicitly hooked in to the selfish gene theory, which is, after all, selfish. This is the "it's all about me" side of human nature, amped up. But no less than Pope John Paul II has apologized for acts of "human nature" that were wrong, such as the missionary abuses against indigenous peoples of the South Pacific, and the persecution of Galileo Galilei, a case of workplace harassment if you will.

Killing people may be part of our animal nature, but caring for and about other people is part of our human nature. I thought we left Freud's drive theory (sex and aggression) behind us in the last century. There is just as strong a drive to bond, nurture and protect, which of course would be included in the Politically Correct Truths list, but it goes beyond that. Human nature isn't just about you and procreating your genes at the expense of others. Some of the things Miller and Kanazawa mention may be part of our nature. They may be politically incorrect. But in some cases acting on them is just plain wrong. And that's why you got a limbic brain and neocortex to go along with that reptilian brain. So you'd know this and feel this!

Want to learn more? Take THE EQ COURSE. You will find it fascinating and enlightening. Email me for more information, sdunn@susandunn.cc, and for coaching. It's the best investment in your future you can make. See more at www.susandunn.cc .

Eliot Spitzer and decision making

From today's mailbag -

Eliot Spitzer Thought Flow Chart:

http://www.unlikelywords.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/spitzer.gif

Actually not a bad flow chart about decision making, especially when it concerns impulses from the reptilian brain.

For personal coaching, and the EQ Course (about emotions and how the brain works and how to make good decisions email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Something surprising about the workplace

I remember writing an article about this a couple of years ago, and receiving responses from a lot of people questioning this concept.

This is one reason why emotional intelligence is so important to study and learn about.

In their Book, First, Break All The Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently, Buckingham and Coffman list twelve important questions to ask employees - or to ask yourself, an the employee - and one of them is: DO YOU HAVE A BEST FRIEND AT WORK?

So many people wrote me to question this, and were confused about it, like it wasn't a Good Thing - or perhaps even possible....??

When I think back on my own earlier work experiences as an employee, the jobs that do stand out as the most pleasurable, and also the most productive (and I would postulate that the two go together!) were when I did have a best friend at work.

I think it has to do with the office or corporate culture. Enjoying the people you work with is conducive to optimal performance. This is particularly important in today's Information Culture.

Tell me what you think about this! sdunn@susandunn.cc.

And have you taken Buckingham's StrengthsFinder assessment. I think it's one of the best ones out there. Email me for information, and let me interpret the results for you. It's very helpful in honing in on what you are naturally best at.

TSA and Instincts

Oh, the uses of "intuition", an emotional intelligence competency.

From the Fort Worth newspaper the other day - the TSA is planning to five screeners "more latitude to use their instincts and experience to ID terrorists, and get away from the by-the-numbers mentality used to create the TSA."

More from the article:

• They want to concentrate on looking for passengers who act out of the ordinary
• Said Hawley, administrator of the TSA: "We have seen more images, more people, more shoes than anybody." He told screeners, "You know what normal looks like."
• They plan to vet passengers' reactions and intent, not just search for banned items

Well, he tells one way "intuition" is developed -- by lots of experience. There are ways you use this in your own life - how you know the kids are getting into something they shouldn't when they're in the other room ... how you know someone's mad at you by changes in their routines (not calling you for a week) ... which line at the bank drive-in will move fastest (I always get behind someone who's brake light is on - they have their foot on the pedal! ... which fruit is ripe and which one isn't.

Intuition, aka gut instinct and gut feeling, is an important emotional intelligence, lifeskill as you can see.

There's always a flip side. If you want to know how to behave more "normal" at the airport, so you don't get singled out, email me for my new ebook on nonverbal behavior. No doubt they will single out people who look and act nervous, and you can learn more about that. Performers, speakers, teachers all practice looking "at ease".

The Daily Dish | By Andrew Sullivan

The Daily Dish By Andrew Sullivan

For Good Friday, some beautiful thoughts and writing, about authenticity, and the hard times in life, from the above.

"Any authenticity that we are going to have as persons of faith and any authority that we are going to have as witnesses to the gospel of Jesus Christ will come because of our exposure to bruises and scars. There is no other way to authenticity. There is a certain counterfeit pose that one may maintain, but as to an entrance into the full, the true authority, into the glorious liberty of the sons of God, that comes by exposure and by wounds. There is no other way. If one looks back at those who have deeply affected their generation, the discovery will be made that almost without exception they did it against some minus, some ache, some pain in their own lives ...

At some time, who can say when, there will be a crown of thorns pressed down upon your head. It may be some private anguish. It may be some profoundly disturbing condition in your own family. One annot detail the direction whence the affliction will come, but when it does, you will have every right to rail against it and to cry out against that kind of providence, even to argue with God, to withstand him to the face ...

But do one other thing. Take it. Accept. For was it not our Lord's word that the cup he looked into, the awful agony which waited for him, did not come from unfriendly hands: "The cup which my Father hath given, shall I not drink of it?"

I promise you this, if you can take whatever deep hurt that occurs in your life and hold it up before God and say to him, even in bitterness, of this which you despise and this which you hate, "If there is anything you can do with it, take, and use it," I promise you, you will be utterly amazed at what will occur,"
- Gardner C. Taylor,
sermon delivered February 1, 1978. A Charlie Rose interview can be seen with him here.

Keep these words for some time when they might be needed.

Get with the Group, just make sure it's the right one

From Garrison Keillor - what a great metaphor. This is from his story entitled "A Pagan's Thoughts at Eastertide" which you can read here.

There was a small epiphany in church last week when we sang the recessional “O Sacred Head, Now Wounded,” a German chorale in which we basses must jump around more limberly than we may be used to. A tough part compared to “When the Roll Is Called up Yonder” and I stood in the rear and struggled with it and then
as the choir recessed down the main aisle and came up and stood in the side aisles, three basses wound up standing near me, like border collies alongside the lost sheep, and I got myself in their draft and we sang our way to the barn. (Moral: get with the group — just make sure it’s the right one.)

Honor Ray Garrett, Jr at SEC 75th Anniversary Celebration Dinner, June 25, 2009

“While Ray was achieving greatness, he simultaneously taught the rest of us with a kind, measured demeanor. Few men posses such rare abilities and fewer still choose to employ them.” - - Jim Reynolds, American Bakeries Company

June 25, 2009 75th Anniversary Celebration Dinner for the Securities Exchange Commission

The Securities and Exchange Commission Historical Society will host a 75th Anniversary Celebration Dinner for the SEC Commission and staff, government officials, and industry representatives on Thursday, June 25, 2009.

This event honors the history of the SEC, founded in 1934 by President Roosevelt. Joe Kennedy was the first Chairman of the SEC. My father, Ray Garrett, Jr., was the 19th Chairman, serving from 1973 to 1975.

The dinner will be held in the National Building Museum in Washington, D.C. According to Carla Rosati of the SEC Historical Society, institutions are welcome to purchase a table and include a congratulatory message, with name and logo, in the program book to be distributed to all guests and added to the museum collections.

Ray Garrett, Jr. passed on in February 1980. He emceed a previous anniversary dinner and wouldn’t have missed this one for all the tea in China, nor the personal archives and roundtables that the Historical Society has promoted since its inception. He loved the SEC, the law, his family, and his colleagues, whose names were legion.

Of Ray Garrett, Jr.’s Chairmanship, Commissioner Al Sommer later remarked:

“Certainly it is not an exaggeration to say that Ray was one of the most dearly beloved people ever to serve on the Commission. You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never hear his leadership criticized.”

— A. A. Sommer, Jr.

At this time we are beginning to approach all of Ray’s friends and colleagues to give them an opportunity to participate in hosting or sponsoring a place at the banquet table to honor RAY’S MEMORY.

Ray Garrett, Jr. had four children; Me (Susan Dunn), Nancy Worcester, Anne Norloff and Richard Garrett. He has eight grandchildren and two great grandchildren.

Please contact Susan Dunn sdunn@susandunn.cc for details on how you can join us in honoring Ray’s memory and in the meantime be sure to save this date on your calendar:

JUNE 25 2009 THE SEC 75TH ANNIVERSARY DINNER
A WAY TO HONOR RAY GARRETT, JR. and his personal and professional contributions to our lives.

MR. BOOKEY: “The other thing that hasn’t quite been mentioned — the real privilege I had, we had — all of us, we had what was called “The Dream Commission.”

“And The Dream Commission was when Ray Garrett was the chairman, and Irv was on the Commission, and Phil Loomis, and Al Sommer and John Evans, and they were the best. The absolute best. Stanley was the director. And they were smart. They were aggressive. They were energetic. It was leadership, and we loved it.

“And looking back, that was the prime time, folks. That was the prime time.”

_________________________________________________

Let's make it a date to remember.
Contact sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

On Aging

Making the email rounds ... on aging.

The other day a young person asked me how I felt about being old. I was taken aback, for I do not think of myself as old. Upon seeing my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question, and I would ponder it, and let her know.

Old Age, I decided, is a gift. I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't agonize over those things for long. I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly.

As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60&70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it)

Thanks to John for sending this.

To learn more about Emotional Intelligence, take THE EQ PROGRAM. Email me for information - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Top Stories

Spitzer and the Triune Brain

ALPHA MALES BEHAVING BADLY is the name of the article by Clarence Day and it begins, "Here's the $4,000 question in the Eliot Spitzer case: Why did he do it?"

The analysis of Spitzer continues. According to "Alpha males behaving badly," by Clarence Page:

"... one of the legions of family therapists who have been called into action by journalists and talk shows in a post- Spitzer surge, told me that the answer boils down simply to this: “It’s in the limbic system.” Eh? That’s the pleasure center in the brain, she said, it handles “motor skills and primitive impulses.” Oh. In other words, the intelligent, angelic part of the brain that tells you, “No, no, this is wrong, you’ll never get away with it,” is completely overwhelmed by the devilish part that says, “C’mon! You can do it! You’re superman. You’re the expert on catching people who do this. You also know how to avoid getting caught!”

(Read the full article here.)

This is how I would explain this sort of thing. The sex impulse is actually in the reptilian) primitive brain - survival instinct. It is basic, an instinct. It is a "meaning-less" reaction. Yes, the limbic brain is about pleasure but it's where parenting, for instance, resides, and emotional bonding. Spitzer's behavior had nothing to do with emotional bonding. In fact, it would more likely endanger his bond with his wife and children. The neocortex is command central, where we go to think things through. It can be considered the crowning achievement of humans, homo sapiens ("sapiens" means thinking); that is, if it used. But again, it must function well in conjunction with the other 2 brains.

Conflicts can often be described by the operations of the 3 brains, the primitive brain being the strongest, of course, because it has to do with survival. I often use the example of a man experiencing lust (primitive), then going 'up' to the limbic, where he cares about his relationships, feels emotions rather than "instincts" and then 'up' further to the neocortex, where he THINKS, and realizes the action could endanger his marriage, career, etc. and, in Spitzer's case, his health and those of others as well. In other words, that it would be a stupid thing to do.

Empathy could also be placed in the limbic brain. Page says the part that would tell him “No, no, this is wrong, you’ll never get away with it,” -- I would add, and it also tells you, "And this would hurt my wife and family, hurt their feelings. The real $4,000 question here is, sadly, how will he ever regain the trust and respect of his wife and daughters.

Like Shakepeare's Othello, and Verdi's Otello, this man's entire life has been impacted - career and personal life. What is is about a man who "has the world at his feet" that makes him bring himself down, pare himself down to the human scale?

See my video on Otello"



So why do intelligent people do such stupid things? That's a large part of why the field of emotional intelligence developed. We see it often, and Spitzer is a prime example. Obviously the man's got a high IQ. But where is his EQ (emotional intelligence quotient)?

There is reptilian "pleasure"*, and also limbic (the extreme, enduring pleasure we get with our children and friends; our emotional connection to others), and also neocortex (for some of us, thinking philosophical thoughts, or analyzing someone's behavior :-) or solving a problem, are as pleasurable as it gets. And the neocortex is what separates us from the animals. We share the limbic brain with mammals.

It is a shame when we see our "alpha males" fail. It's a shame when we see anyone falter, but the "alpha male" does it in public. It is in the public eyes. Children can't help but hear or see about it. It seems such a waste, and, like the death of a parent reminds us of our immortality, their flaws, poor judgment and irresponsibility remind us of our own.

There is also the concept of noblesse oblige ... that we expect more from our leaders and high-up officials. It is one thing when your neighbor down the street does something like this. Quite another when it's a president, to take the Clinton example a la Day's article.

Why would Clinton do what he did, in the presidential position he was in? Why did Spitzer?

We are always interested in the WHY, because that's how we learn. If you'd like to learn more about the WHYs of life, I invite you to take THE EQ COURSE. With or without accompanying personal coaching, it is an enlightening experience. It's about the interface among the brains, how our brain and emotions work, and how to make your life work better -- and ultimately our health. We all have, and must deal with three "brains." The better we manage this juggling act, the better our chances for enduring success and happiness.

*Pleasure? A district attorney, accused of exposing himself to a 16 year old girl, told the judge: "I was under a lot of stress. It was tension release."

Niun mi tema (from Verdi's Otello) - no one need fear me any more

Quote from No Country for Old Men

Went to see NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN yesterday. Have you seen it yet?

Of course the line "You cain't stop what's comin'" is good, but maybe because I'm a coach, this is my favorite line:

"Well all the time ya spend trying to get back what's been took from ya, more is going out the door. After a while you just have to try to get a tourniquet on it."

A good reminder to stay in the present, to move ahead, to come to some resolution about losses, and that "there is life after ...". An ending/loss can be seen as a transition. Some are monumental, and even then, we find that life goes on. I have seen people get stuck in the stage of the loss, and then 'more does go out the door.' It matters how you are able to handle the losses, disappointments and failures in life. I enjoy coaching people to minimize that sort of thing.

Clip from movie NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN:

The subplot, if you will, is about the effect the changing times are having on the sheriff, played by Tommie Lee Jones.

In one scene, the younger sheriff tells Jones what he has just said is "linear," and Jones replies that age flattens a man.

Does it? Is it a choice? What is "the tourniquet" for the slings and arrows of fortune?

Emotional Intelligence, a transformational tool

Emotional Intelligence ... it isn't about IQ v. EQ, it's about integrating, consciously, how you think, feel, and act. It can be a powerful transformational tool. It's important to realize that as you start this journey (take the EQ Course, or full program, including coaching with me), you will experience some discomfort. Part of this is the energy is takes to become "aware."

For instance, just consider what it would be like to be tuning in to your feelings all day long ... you probably are not used to that, and it would cause some jolts in your day. For instance, consider if you were dissatisfied with the performance of an employee and it made you angry. If you default mode has been to just yell at the person, and instead, you stop and think about different responses you could make, different alternatives, your procedure will be slower.

It could however, be far more productive in the end.

Most of the tenets of emotional intelligence, once you have learned about them and practised them will become nearly automatic, and things will move faster and more smoothly.

Any transformation takes time, and also there is a period of two steps forward and three steps back.

I invite you to give it a try!

Ray Garrett, SEC, Emotional Intelligence

RAY GARRETT, A CASE OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN ACTION

Ray Garrett, Jr. was Chairman of the SEC at a time when, in the words of Joel Seligman, "...in my view, may have been the most consequential post-World War II period in United States securities laws. Among that SEC's several achievements was the enactment of the 1975 Securities Acts Amendments, which unfixed brokerage commission rates and attempted to facilitate a new national securities market system."

"Certainly it is not an exaggeration to say that Ray was one of the most dearly beloved people ever to serve on the Commission. You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never hear his leadership criticized." -- A. A. Sommer, Jr. (fellow SEC commissioner)

From Ray Garrett:

"I would rather find ways to make it attractive and profitable for people to do good things, rather than compel them and hit them over the head and make them do it. One gets better results by harnessing natural human instincts to lead people in the right directions, as against forcing them." [Ray Garrett, Jr., The Institutional Investor, March 1974]

Who could you say this about? You could walk the halls day after day and never hear a word of criticism of him, professionally or personally; never hear his integrity, or even his judgment, questioned; never hear his leadership criticized. Could you say this about the boss you work for? If you're the boss or senior partner, would your colleagues and employees say this about you?

To learn more about Emotional Intelligence, take THE EQ PROGRAM. Email me for information - sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Top Stories

From today's mailbag:

"You were a godsend to me when I was so desperate, giving me access to your full EQ program, which was a major contributer to my recovery from depression ... I genuinely benifited from your EQ course, as it helped me to understand fundemental things about how I 'tick' and allowed me to learn to separate my feelings from my responses as a prime example. Chemicals certainly had something to do with the cycle ... but ultimately as you say, EQ development is a lifeskill to get you through all kinds ofcircumstances and I firmly believe having learned so much, that most psychology patients would be better served doing [this]course before ever visiting a shrink, as in many cases their only problem is a low EQ." --Mike Maliepaard

Spitzer, Hubris and Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence, Spitzer ... and self-sabotage

According to article on bloomberg.com - go here for full article.

``It's another instance in which a very smart, very powerful man brings himself down through his own hubris,'' said William Cunningham, a political consultant who worked on the senior staffs of former Democratic New York Governors Hugh Carey and Mario Cuomo. ``We have seen it with Richard Nixon, we've seen it with Bill Clinton, very successful people who think they have their own set of rules, and self-inflict their own wounds.''

Good time to learn more about emotional intelligence? Take THE EQ COURSE. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information. The current demand is overloading my email capacity, so please keep trying until your email gets through. I'm adding more amp as we speak.

HUBRIS - another word for self-sabotage, and lack of self-awareness.

If you don't know the meaning and roots of the word hubris ask me about my mythology course. There are some words that simply stand for all time.

Spitzer from the Emotional Intelligence Standpoint

Spitzer - the dark side of EQ - A CAUTIONARY TALE
A man known for his ethics takes a predictable tumble - or is tumbled. There's lots in this we just don't want to acknowledge or think about.

If you live in the same world I do, there is a noticeable silence re: what has happened with Spitzer. Who wants to talk ... there is danger all around.

This is reptilian or primitive brain territory - the strongest pull in our lives there is. It governs survival, which includes sex and aggression. Surely powerful people went after this powerful person who went after powerful people. And surely he would trip up in the primitive brain area ...

It's loaded with stuff we just don't like to think about. Aggression. Retribution. Violence (which is at its worse, actually, when it is not physical.) This reminds me of the tragedy of Otello (see my thing on youtube about this) - that's the Italian spelling, for Verdi's opera. Iago decided to do Otello in, and at the end of the play/opera, what do we have? A man with no professional nor personal life left. Attributable to his own hand, no one else's.

As Jung would say, it's best to get to know your "shadow" side because the reptilian brain LURKS in all of us. If you don't familiarize yourself with it, it does more than LURK
Take my EQ course and learn more about this. This is probably the highest-LEVEL EQ course out there. Many call it "the missing piece."
Or call for EQ coaching.
email: sdunn@susandunn.cc and 817-741-7223.

Gatland back in Dublin with Emotional Intelligence

Thought you might find this of interest

A WRU delegation flew to Auckland to meet Gatland little more than a week after Jenkins's sacking. "I had only been in his company a few minutes when I realised he was a unique individual," said the union's chief executive, Roger Lewis. "The perception is that he is hard and driven, which he is with his winning mentality, but he is also sensitive. He has incredibly high emotional intelligence, an awareness of people and situations. Sacking Gareth Jenkins so quickly was a brutal necessity: it was tough on a man I like, but we had to send out an unambiguous message that we had to change."

How to achieve that balance is the juggling act. :-)

For the full article, go here: http://sport.guardian.co.uk/sixnations2008/story/0,,2263583,00.html

To increase YOUR emotional intelligence, and sensitivity and awareness fo people and situations, contact me about the highly acclaimed EQ COURSE. I have trained people worldwide. I train and certify EQ coaches, so come learn from the teacher. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Definition of Low Emotional Intelligence

BAD BOSS BEHAVIOR
Meet the Bosses Who Could Win the ‘Awful"
By Alan L. Rupe
When bad boss behavior occurs, it generally happens in an atmosphere in which the law is ignored, company policy is ignored and the line separating good business practices from boorish conduct—and often unlawful conduct—is crossed. A dose of stupidity, mixed with a larger dose of arrogance—that’s the formula for winning an Awful Award.

To read the article, go to www.workplace.com .

A good working definition of low emotional intelligence is "a dose of stupidity mixed with a larger dose of arrogance." It's the arrogance that keeps the person from realizing they're acting stupid, i.e., doing things that don't work, that alienate other people, and that eventually can sabotage one's career.

If you'd like to learn more, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for my various effective, efficient and outstanding Emotional Intelligence programs - there's one to fit your needs. Just ask me.

sdunn@susandunn.cc

The Keirsey and the Elections

If you are familiar with the Keirsey (Artisan, Guardian, etc.) you will find this article interesting about presidents and likelihood of election: http://keirsey.com/picking_president_temperament.aspx .

What are you doing about SAD (seasonal affective disorder)

If you live in a place that isn't getting a lot of sunlight right now, or you have a shift sort of job where you aren't out in the day time, you could be at risk for SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder.

We need to be out in the sunlight with our eyes open. It is absorbed through the retina, but that doesn't mean you ever look at the sun - of course -- you know that. But that you be outside in the sunlight at least an hour or so per day. It will do wonders for you "affect" - attitude and emotional state.

To learn more about you and your emotions, take THE EQ COURSE. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information.

If you would really like to help people, and become a certified coach, email me about my Coach Certification program. Unique in that it is individualized, maximizes functionality, and is flexible to fit your busy schedule.

How is your cultural EQ?

Low cultural IQ could hijack your career

A new quiz may determine whether you will shine on the global stage or cause an international incident

From Monday's Globe and Mail, February 25, 2008 at 9:31 AM EST - go here for full article.

From the article"

You get anxious in unfamiliar situations. You can't stand not knowing what is coming next. You hate it when people keep you waiting.

You may have a career-threatening cultural IQ.

In addition to other indicators of ability, such as social intelligence and emotional intelligence, employers are now paying more attention to the cultural intelligence of their staff, as workplaces become increasingly diverse and companies conduct more business abroad. Yet most people don't know how they measure up.

To learn more about EQ - cultural, spiritual, mental and emotional, take THE EQ COURSE. Email me for information at sdunn@susandunn.cc .

Fight Don't Struggle

This time of year a lot of people have trouble with low energy, sadness and negative things. The reasons are abundant - exhaustion, getting over Christmas (what did and didn't happen), throw in Valentine's Day coming up, bills, taxes, lack of sunlight, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), and a general urge to hibernate...which isn't possible for most of us.

It's a good time to work on your emotions and how you manage them. Remember, it's better to let them flow and accept them. If you bottle them up or stuff them down, you give them more power.

Great time to brush up on your EQ as it's a great learning time. Contact me about EQ 101, my new course. Good for newbies and pros, both. Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .


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Handle a Coworker Who is Sabotaging You

From "Handle a Sabotaging Coworker," by Beverly West, Career Advice on Monster.
To read the full article, go here.

Look at the toss between emotions and logic (thinking) in the recommendations.

It is wise to have some good measures in place to protect yourself if you ever fall under a colleague's attack....Always have backup for everything you've done ... (THINK AHEAD)

Rise Above the Drama of Coworker Sabotage
If you can, don't let your coworker's anger or frustration get to you.... "My first instincts are to resort to a voodoo doll, a stapler or a tube of Super Glue, but I fight those urges and try to remain calm and peaceful," says Richard Ogawa.....

"I just avoid the situation," he says. "I don't give the person the time of day. I don't get upset.

Try to find the humor, if any, in the situation.

There are times, though, when avoidance and humor won't work, and you have no choice but to address the situation. "If it comes down to having to confront the coworker, try and approach the situation with logic, not emotion...."

For coaching, email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc .